By: Spooks
~ ~ ~ ~
Now, I'll tell you right now that I didn't understand exactly what had just happened. It was all coming together and busting apart so quickly that it was hard to keep up with it all. It's true that we were connected, but it was an uncontrolled and fuzzy connection. It was there, but none of us were really sure how to use it. Like any new tool or talent, it really needed an instruction manual to make much sense. Too bad we were going to be the ones to write the manual. Or, well, be the guinea pigs to figure it out. It's painfully clear that we were not the ones holding the pen in this ordeal.
As it was, the experience was maddeningly exhilarating and frustrating at the same time. Here we were, as close as brothers, and now we were sharing a sort of psychic bond. The possibilities were mind boggling. Imagine having all your secrets laid open, every impulsive thought exposed whether you actually meant it or not. Everything was on the table and on display.
Well, it would have been if we knew how to keep the connection completely open. Ever so often I'd get little flashes of extra perception, hearing, whatever, but they were just momentary little glimpses. It was probably a good thing, because I don't think I was ready for the subtleties of complete openness. Sometimes it's good to have secrets, even if they're stupid. We'd be total ass kickers if we were completely linked, but the price would be terribly uncomfortable, and might just blow our minds, literally.
But anyway, we were sitting there, all trying to adjust and contemplate on all manners of connectivity and new personal gain, but then Wufei made his enigmatic statement. Every one of us just looked up and blinked at him as he folded up his glasses.
"Why don't you need your glasses anymore?" Quatre asked Wufei.
"I'm not sure how, but I fixed my eyesight. Or maybe one of you guys did during that…whatever it was," my Chinese friend said, sounding mildly doubtful of himself. Meiran, for once, was just floating there, too stunned even to actively shimmer. Then she sprung back to, er, life, and started just twinkling with joy. I guess she started talking, too, because her mouth was moving as she flitted around. Wufei turned his attention to her and listened to her chatter for the moment.
After a few seconds of quiet, Quatre's eyes widened and he cocked his head to the side, curiosity peeling lightly off of his aura. "What--hey, what's that? Who is that?"
"What do you hear?" Trowa asked quietly.
"A person talking, kind of muffled. Are the walls in this room really that thin that we can hear our neighbors? Don't you hear her? Wait...it's gone," Quatre whispered.
For a moment everyone just sat there looking at him like he was crazy. Well, okay, so that was just me. Trowa looked concerned, Wufei was whispering something back to Meiran, and Heero was writing. He shoved the note in my direction.
--Tell us if you hear it again. --
"Do you have any--Wait!" Quatre started. "There it is again!"
"What are you talking about?" Wufei asked irritably, apparently done with his little side conversation with Meiran.
"Whoa, okay, hold on!" I broke in, holding both hands up, my sleeves drooping and pooling at my bent elbows. I hastily put my arms down since the move had exposed some of my scars from the cutting. "One thing at a time. Wufei, you need to explain exactly what you mean by healing your eyesight. Quatre, you need to elaborate on this other thing. Could this be an extension of your other abilities? And need I remind everyone that we're on camera at the moment?"
A voice chuckled from the large speaker mounted above the television vid-set, causing us to jump. "As if we didn't already know this would happen. I must say, you boys progressed much more quickly than we anticipated," Dr. J's voice was soon accompanied by the vid-screen flickering on to show his face.
Nostrils flaring slightly, Heero absolutely snarled silently at the screen before pulling his knees up to his chest and hugging them. The rest of us just sort of stared at the doctor.
"Do you have a point?" Wufei finally asked.
"Not really," J said dryly. "I just wanted to watch this part actively."
"What part?" I asked, knowing instinctually as the words formed that I probably did not want to know. I was right. I hate it when I'm right about terribly bad things, but it usually happens, which is also terribly bad.
As soon as the words left my mouth I found out exactly what the scientist was talking about. A loud hissing noise invaded the otherwise quiet room as a light gray gas streamed out of pores in the walls that none of us had noticed. As a group we dropped to the floor in an attempt to stay under the gas, and then we crawled towards the door, intending to get out. Our struggles were to the soundtrack of J's deep sadistic chuckle, and although I liked the carpet in the room, I hated the rug burns I was getting. It really seems that a lot of good things can hurt you, even such goodness as deep pile carpet.
The door wouldn't budge when we reached it, which really didn't surprise me. I started to get a whiff of the gray gas as it made its way down to the floor, descending to cover the carpet on which we were huddled. Reaching deep into myself, I felt that new sort of sense rise up within me, the hint of power that I had experienced before I had passed out two weeks ago, that thing that had made the machine float just an hour before. I felt it surge up within me, an incredible feeling, only to have it fizzle with a shot of pain that laced down my spine in a fiery wave. A little pulse of the sense still managed to wrench its was out of me, only to melt and become gathered at the ceiling, filtered away with the ethereal energy that was so meticulously directed in this place.
As I felt the light behind my eyes fade more and more with each inhalation of the gas, I realized that the experimenters had several motives for moving us to this new room. Not only were they trying to butter us up, but they had some sort of shielding device that dispersed big outbursts of energy. It was probably my fault that they had moved us, having that episode back in our old room, the one that had knocked me out. Oh, and lets not forget that they could gas us into unconsciousness or death. That was a big plus. Hurrah for modern convenience.
I struggled to keep my eyes open as I felt my muscles slacken and weaken of their own accord. Somehow I managed to lift my heavy head up, my neck straining, to see how my friends were fairing. I had felt little flickers of something through the connection, and just as I had thought, Trowa and Quatre were both already unconscious. Meiran was trying her best to keep Wufei awake, but a ghost can only do so much. As I watched, I felt Wufei go unconscious just as his eyes drooped shut.
Slumping down completely onto the thick carpet, I felt myself begin to drift. Heero had somehow managed to haul himself beside me, and his blank facial expression echoed back to when I had first met him at the beginning of the school year. It hurt almost as much as physical agony to see that look, so I concentrated all my remaining energy and smiled. As my eyes slid shut and all my sense shutting down, I stared straight into those blue eyes. I could have sworn I saw a single tear leak from one of them in my last view of consciousness.
~ ~ ~ ~
When I awoke I found myself strapped flat on my back on a hard surface. My arms, legs, torso, and head were all held down with immovable thick straps. My body was splayed out in the form of a giant cross, with my arms stretched to either side of my body and my legs spread apart about a foot or two and immobilized. I noticed that the straps holding me down were lined with padding, I guess so that they wouldn't leave a mark. I couldn't turn my head, so I was forced to stare at the uninteresting gray ceiling above me, but for some reason I only got indistinct glances of the ethereal energy trailing above me in a controlled path. It was extremely boring and unpleasant, so I decided to see if I could get out anytime soon.
As I carefully tested my bonds, I suddenly realized that I could feel a cool draft of air on my stomach. That really sent a serious jolt of reality coursing through me. I was completely bare from the waist up. I felt my face burn as I realized that a lot of old scars were now on display, those little things that I had always kept so carefully hidden were out in the open, and it went a long way in making me feel totally helpless. Biting my lip, I forced the embarrassment out of my mind for a moment and concentrated on my legs and feet. Wiggling my toes I knew that I was stripped of my socks, but I felt the cuff of my pants brush against my ankles as the slight movement. Words cannot describe how glad I was to be wearing pants. Seriously, you have no idea.
My embarrassment quelled down a tad for the moment, I wriggled a little bit and managed to rap my knuckles down onto the hard surface I was laying on. I felt them connect with the hard cool surface I was strapped to, feeling the dull metallic ring that answered my knock with a vibration under my bare back. Straining my eyes as far as I could to the side, I fought to turn my head. It was of no use, I couldn’t see to confirm what I was lying on. It was a silly gesture anyway, I knew exactly where I was. Just like in so many of those visions that Heero sent me, only I was now the one strapped down to a cold metal table. But unlike how he had been restrained with straps that cut into his skin, my body was trapped in much more elaborate restraints designed not to bruise. How sweet, really. God, it was so unnerving.
Resigning myself to what appeared to be inevitable, I looked around with what limited field of vision I could manage. From what I could see, the walls of the room were cloth, which lead me to believe I was in a curtained cubicle that was part of a larger room. I couldn’t hear much; the room was mostly quiet. Thinking that maybe the other guys might be in the same room, but in their own cloth cubicles, I opened my mouth, intending to yell or say something nice and sarcastic.
I couldn't make a sound.
This scared me. A lot.
As I gaped and tried to make some sort of pathetically silent scream, I realized that my efforts to speak did not cause me any pain at all. Unlike Heero's attempts at speaking, this did not cause me agony, rather, it was just frustrating as hell. Air was coming out of my mouth, soundless due to lack of form. Acting on a hunch, I tried to swallow, and found that my throat muscles weren't working right. I couldn’t control them at all, it was as though those muscles were on vacation for the moment. I still had the ability to talk, I reasoned, there was no mental block against that, but for some reason I couldn't control my voice box to form words. Undoubtedly, I had been drugged, given some sort of local muscle relaxer or something like that. This was a bit of a relief to realize.
Robbed of my ability to speak, I tried to use my special senses. Doing my best to flare up my aura, I found that my mind felt extremely sluggish. Closing my eyes, I concentrated, but instead of feeling the normal sensation of mental stretching, I felt nothing at all. Opening my eyes, I glared up at the featureless ceiling, now realizing why I was only picking up the occasional glances of energy instead of witnessing the steady flow I normally saw. Obviously I was in the lab area, and I suddenly had a Very Bad Feeling about all this. If I couldn't speak for the moment, and couldn't get in touch with my abilities, then they must have something fun and exciting planned for me.
In other words, I was almost on the verge of getting a bad case of the screaming meemies.
I mean, damn, wouldn't you feel scared? Here I was, shirtless, strapped to a metal table I had only seen in my worst nightmares, unable to speak, and suddenly stripped of an ability I've had ever since I can remember. I was not happy at all, and I really wanted to find out what was going to happen to me next. It's sick, it's morbid, but I just wanted to get this over with.
Unfortunately, I think that the almighty assholes knew I felt this way, so for what seemed like hours I lay on that damnable table feeling completely helpless. The more time that passed, the weaker and more pathetic I felt. The anticipation, the fear, and the sheer panic, was building up inside me and mounting to an apex. Every little creak or light thud I thought I heard was magnified a thousand fold as I waited feebly for something to happen.
My thoughts started to run away with me. What if they were working on my friends right now? Was that the delay? Or where they just watching my squirm, laughing and taking bets on how long it would be before I broke? Would I get my visions back? What about my new abilities? Where they gone? What were they going to do to me? How did they control that energy flow above me, anyway? How come when I tried to send out my energy in our new room it had fizzled? Did they have something that dampened the room? How would that be possible? Would this never end? Would I break? Would I cry? Would I faint? Would I die?
Fortunately, before my mind managed to run completely away from me I heard the soft rustle of the curtained wall being pushed back. A drumming of fingers on the table near my foot caused the metal to vibrate slightly and cause a chill to run down my bare back. I strained my eyes so hard trying to look at who had just walked in that I gave myself a slight headache. How annoying.
I felt the strap on my head being unfastened, and as soon as I could move I stretched my neck so that I could see who was there. I wasn't surprised to see Zechs casually leaning against the back wall (which I now saw was the only solid wall of the cubicle).
I frowned at him, and tried one more time to speak. Failing, I opted instead to use both hands to flip him off, even if they were tied down, I was sure he'd get the general idea.
"So, you five took a nice leap forward today, didn't you?" He spoke indifferently, yawning as he finished his question.
I merely yawned back at him and rolled my eyes. Tired of craning my neck to see him, I lay my head back down on the table and stopped looking at him. A moment later he came and stood beside the table so that I could see him more easily. Score one for Duo! I got him to move.
"You have to realize that you can't just be so out of control, even if your progress is excellent," he was saying. "Good thing they moved you back here when they did, otherwise there might have been some collateral damage later on."
I raised an eyebrow in response. What did he mean by that?
"Well, what you tried to pull when they were sedating you could have hurt you and your friends, not to mention someone who might have been in the same general area as you," Zechs replied to my questioning look. "Now they'll have to put some fail safes in so that you don't hurt anyone. Of course, when they need you or you're in danger, then the safeties will be automatically switch off. Safety is everyone's main concern, though."
With that Zechs reached back up and redid the strap on my head. I struggled for a moment to make it more difficult for him, but all of a sudden I felt the muscles in my neck tense up and straiten out while he worked. I'm sure that he did it somehow with his mind. It wasn't fair. Before he left he spoke once more. "Good luck."
For a minute I lay there and wondered just what that was all about. Then I lost the opportunity to start worrying again, because a short fat man came in and started hooking electrodes to my head and pulse points. Then an IV line was inserted into the crook of my elbow, and a drip was started. As I began to lose coherency I wondered why the hell they had even bothered to let me wake up in the first place. Maybe it was part of the blocking process. Maybe they were inefficient. Maybe they were sadistic bastards.
Then there came a strange time. I remember being conscious but not in control, as though I were floating in a dreamlike state. There were random flashes of pain, some of it in the category of paralyzing agony, some of it coming as mild pricks. Finally I sank into oblivion, an exhausted state of rest that led me into the dream world. I slept.
~ ~ ~ ~
It was completely dark, and I couldn't sense anything at all, dream demons or otherwise. I was weightless in a lightless abyss, a place of nonexistence. I was barely aware that I was no longer awake, and for the first time in recent memory I felt detached from the dream. I guess whatever they had done to block my other senses delved into my subconscious mind as well. Of course, I only realize this now, after much reflection and time to think about this. At the time I was simply aware that I was floating, and that it was dark.
Then there was a voice, Heero's dream voice.
Duo, are you here too?
Concentrating, I thought back at him. 'Yeah, I'm here. I don’t know how.'
I do. A new voice answered. It was Trowa.
What's going on? Came another whisper. Quatre.
'Is Wufei here?' I sent out.
Am I? A confused voice came back, and I could tell that it was Wufei simply from the inflection.
Well, this is odd. Heero thought out.
Who's that? Quatre wondered.
'That's Heero,' I supplied.
What's going on? Why are we here? For that matter, where is here? Wufei wondered, his voice echoing in the stillness of the oblivion.
This is a dreamscape. Heero answered.
'I'm having mental blocks put in place, which completely sucks. I think that's how I ended up here,' I thought out.
Oh, they've got you, too? Quatre asked, sounding for all the world like this was a normal point of conversation, like the lunch menu. I think he was joking, because I heard him chuckle, well, sort of.
They have all of us. Trowa answered.
And because we're connected in that weird way, we sort of all showed up here. Wufei finished. I got this mental picture of him sitting with his arms folded over his chest and frowning in deep thought.
'Well, isn't this fun? Now what do we do?' I mused.
Try not to let anything get through to the real world, otherwise they might find a way to block even this communication. Heero sent out.
For a few minutes, eons, or however you measure dream time, we just floated in our separate darknesses.
This is boring. Leave it to Trowa to state the obvious.
I snickered mentally. 'Yeah, well before when Heero sent me visions they were much more interesting. At least, I had a body and there was light.'
It was all geared together using what my subconscious deemed as important symbols. Most of that I wouldn't have been able to conjure up if I were trying. Heero answered.
'Oh,' I answered, then started rambling to fill the silence. 'Maybe we can drag up some memories or something to share. Like story time. Or we could tell jokes.'
Memories…that's an idea. Quatre thought quietly.
Before we could get any further I felt myself being sucked back into the real world. I actually heard an audible "POP!" It would have been funny under any other circumstances. Well, maybe.
When I opened my eyes groggily, I saw that I had been moved again. Instead of laying flat on my back on a table, I was strapped down to a reclining chair, much like the one from earlier that day. God, I can't believe all that happened in one day. How times flies…
Unfortunately, I was still shirtless, which was extremely embarrassing because now the other guys were there. Damn those scars. Again, we were arranged in a circle, all strapped down in our own little chairs. Thank the stars we didn't have those big needles inserted in through the top of our heads again. There were no machines or any sort of recording device within my line of sight. In fact, other than our chairs and us, the room was bare.
I decided to test my voice, just in case it was back. To my extreme delight I could speak again. "Hi guys," I croaked out. Ugh, too bad I sounded like I had just woken up. Now instead of just morning voice to worry about, I had "just regained consciousness from brainwashing session" voice to consider. Great.
"Hi," Quatre croaked back, sounding almost as bad as I did.
"How much time went by?" Wufei asked, his voice sounding no better.
"I don't--" I started to answer.
"Just a few hours," Dr. J's voice crackled through a speaker I couldn't see.
"And of course we're being watched," I muttered.
"Of course," Trowa finally spoke up bitterly.
"I can't feel anything," Quatre whispered suddenly, his voice full of shock and fear.
"What?" I asked, immediately turning my attention to my blond friend. Then I realized that my sense of sight was severely limited. I couldn't make out anyone's aura. I couldn’t see the energy that I knew was pulsing along the ceiling. I couldn't see anything at all but the real.
"Never mind," I answered myself, swallowing thickly. So this was what being blind felt like.
"It's very quiet," Trowa said, confirming his status.
Looking over at Heero, I saw him sigh silently and stare at the ground.
"What? If you can't…then…what if I can't…what about Meiran?" Wufei sounded absolutely horrified. Considering Meiran couldn't follow us back here, he had no idea if he would see her again. I don't blame him for sounding terrified.
"Now, now, it's not that bad. You'll get them back in limited quantity when this is over. We just need to keep things dampened while we explain some things," J answered through the speaker.
"You better be damn glad that you're not in here right now, or I swear I'd bust right out of this chair and strangle you!" Wufei blurted out, and I'm sure that there were rage demons dancing around him, even if I couldn't see them.
"Oh please, you couldn't lay a finger on me. Nor could you ever lift a mental finger, at least not when we're through with you. You see, we've been laying the subtlest of foundations in your minds from the start of your special sessions, and even if you think that it hasn't been effecting you, programming has been resting dormant. The machine is ready, the button only needs to be pushed. That time has come," J spoke with menace laced amusement.
"It can't be impossible to beat you. I thought we were being evolved to a higher level. Doesn't it stand to reason that we could blow you away easily?" I asked sarcastically.
"It would take tremendous effort to break these bonds, and if you did, then you would put everyone in the entire colony in danger trying to do so. There's a reason this facility is placed on a colony in deep space, you know. The amount of energy let out would obliterate all life here because it would fracture the colony. Millions of innocents would die because of your selfish need for your paltry so-called emancipation," the doctor answered. "Besides, the pain would probably kill one of you first."
Oh great, so if we're tough enough to break free from our mental enslavement, then we kill millions of people. That's just wonderful. And probably by the time we were completely evolved or whatever we'd be so brainwashed that we wouldn't want to have our freedom anymore, or maybe we wouldn't even care. What a dreary collection of thoughts.
Then the door opened and in stepped the bald man from earlier, the same one who had hooked us up to box with the electrodes and needles. He went to each one of us and whispered something our ears separately. To this day I still don't know what that trigger word or phrase was. But as soon as he had left the room again I felt the reawakening of that sight, and greedily I drank up every little drop that I received back. It was nothing compared to what I had so recently gotten used to, but it was what I had started out having to begin with. It wasn't an all or nothing type of deal. The slight sense of being connected was also back. In the forefront of my mind I could feel a nagging sense of something else lurking, though. It was like all those new abilities and talents were just waiting to burst out and be used, and they were only a little burst of energy away. So very close, all I had to do was bring them to mind, or so I thought.
Grinning to myself about how stupid those scientists really were, I concentrated on making my aura flare up and trying to fully regain my vision. Instantly I heard a choking cry from across the room. Concerned, I stopped my concentration and opened my eyes. Quatre was gasping in pain. He closed his eyes and appeared to gather himself together.
The next moment I felt a hot flare of pain lance through my body. I cried out quietly, unable to muffle my voice completely. A few moments later I saw Heero tense up in his chair. Then Wufei winced in pain on my other side.
I closed my eyes and gathered myself together, hoping that I could somehow end this madness if I could get the rest of my sight back, maybe that other weird thing, too. Maybe there would be something I could do. But as soon as I started concentrating, I heard a soft grunt of pain from Trowa, again distracting me.
"Have you noticed yet?" J's voice piped up from the speaker. Bastard sounded like a little kid on Christmas morning.
We just sat there and glowered in response. Then I broke the silence with another whimper. Where was that pain coming from? I hadn't done anything.
"Well, I suppose you need to know," J finally spoke up again. "The largest part of the St. Dymphna project has to do with your connection as a group. This includes your programming. The reason you haven't felt oppressed by your programming earlier is because you weren't connected yet. Now when you attempt to rebel, you hurt one of your friends. Your biggest asset has been turned against you. Don't you see the irony of it? Isn't it interesting?" He sounded so fucking smug that I felt like spitting.
"It's gorgeous," I muttered back angrily. So every time I tried to break out I'd hurt one of my friends? I would have been willing to destroy myself, but not them. They really had prepared well. They knew their test subjects, I had to give them that.
Momentarily resigned to our fate, but utterly pissed off, we let ourselves be let out of our chairs and led back to our room without much protest. After we arrived, Zechs came by a few minutes later, knocking politely on the doorframe.
"What?" Quatre asked when he answered the knock, sounding rather irate.
"Don't forget, you still have class tomorrow morning. Can't have people asking too many questions," Zechs replied, looking a bit stunned by Quatre's angry attitude. He hesitated, then continued, "Whether you believe it or not, everything will be okay in the end."
I stood up and went to the door. "Just go away! Do you have any idea what we just went through?" I asked furiously.
"Yes," he answered quietly, sincerity wafting subtly off him. Considering I could hardly pick up on his aura, other than its sheer power, meant that this sincerity must have been extremely strong. Either that or he was letting me see it. "You don't have to believe me, but everything will be okay," he said before turning quickly and walking away.
Quatre and I just looked at each other for a second before closing the door behind him. Then we all went about our normal business. According to the clock, it was about time to go to bed, and let me tell you, there's nothing like being knocked unconscious to make you sleepy. In twenty minutes we were all out like lights.
~ ~ ~ ~
The next morning I woke up about an hour earlier than normal. Not opening my eyes immediately, I just basked in the comfort of being completely relaxed and in a nice, soft bed. Our new bed was huge, but sharing it still provided a lot of the comfort that the old combined bed had. To one side of me lay Quatre, Trowa, and finally Wufei with Meiran probably huddled near his side. On the other side of me was Heero. On both sides I could feel the subtle heat of my friends' sleeping bodies, their mere presence enough to make life, hell, bearable.
Finally I decided to open my eyes. It didn't help much, since our room was windowless and the lights were off. The darkness was thick, but not absolute, thanks to my well adjusted night vision, the red indicator lights on the cameras monitoring us, and the large glowing numbers on our new and wonderful alarm clock. It was one of the nice bribe-things for good behavior they had offered to us. Perhaps in some parts of the cosmos, alarm clocks equal the right to warp someone's mind and force them to bend to your every little desire. For that the alarm clock would have at least had to play music instead of that blasted weird beeping noise. (Just kidding.)
Sighing quietly to myself, I gave up all attempts at falling back asleep and instead tried to stretch without causing too much of a mattress-quake. No sense in waking anyone else up just because my eyelids won't cooperate. Yawning, I rolled onto my side, shifting positions and putting myself facing Heero. I like to watch him sleep when I get the chance. He's just like an innocent little boy when he's sleeping, as if he were completely normal and untainted by those bastard scientists. In his sleep he is just simply my Heero.
For a few minutes I watched him slumber, but then his face tensed up. His eyelids started fluttering, and as a dream took a hold of him, he lost that innocent countenance and gained the haunted expression that so often marred his features. Immediately I tried to wake him, but it took a few long minutes to completely wrest him from the grip of the nightmare. Finally he opened his eyes, pain and confusion striking out of the blue depths in dark spikes. A warm feeling spread over me as I scooted closer to him and let him latch onto me for mindless comfort. I whispered wordless murmurs of comfort into his ear and gently combed through his messy hair with my fingers until he finally stopped trembling. On the other side of the bed, I heard Wufei cry out in his sleep. He had been getting some of Heero's pain through the connection. It was so random the way the programming linked us. We could never prepare because we never knew whom it was going to hit.
We stayed like that, in an embrace pure of any motivation other than comfort, until we were forced to get up and prepare for classes.
~ ~ ~ ~
The only thing that our new quarters lacked was a cafeteria, so we all trudged our way to the bog-beasties' smelly domain. Breakfast was simply divine. It is truly amazing how food can make you feel better. If it weren't my depression and seeing demons and all, I could totally see developing an eating disorder. Roll me down the hallway, I probably wouldn’t be able to fit through double doorways.
At any rate, classes went fine, and lunch was absolutely GODLIKE. Heaven sent us our cooks, I swear. Nothing like fettuccini and breadsticks to make a man happy. Then Heero and I went to art class. It did not go as smoothly as the rest of the day had gone. Well, in my view it didn't, but in J's eyes I'm sure it would have been the highlight of the day.
Heero and I completely missed the Styrofoam carving project and got to join in with everyone in the next assignment, which turned out to be another joint project. Ms. Une basically told us that we had to finish the first one on our own time because if we didn't move on then she'd think bad things about our grades. We had a month to finish and turn it in. The new joint project wasn't as complicated, we just had to work with our partner to make a collage from magazine pictures about some emotion. We had picked pain. Pain's an emotion, right?
At any rate, Howard and Sylvia, who had finally "gotten together," well, as together as anyone can really be in here can get, were again sharing a table with us. They were so adorable, complete opposites that fit so well together. Not to mention how cute they looked when they argued. How always let Sylvia win. Let's just say that she was a bit…tenacious…under that sweet exterior.
So we were sitting there, Heero and I on one side of the table, cutting out pictures from magazines that had been deemed suitable for us crazies (boring!) with scissors that wouldn't even trim hair. Thank heavens Ms. Une had managed to get real nontoxic glue approved for our usage, even though it wasn't the ten second dry formula. I think the main Drones thought we might glue our eyelids shut or something. The four of us start talking (well, Heero just looked up every now and then.)
"So, I went by you guys' room the other day and they told me you'd been moved or something. When did that happen?" Howard asked as he carefully cut out a picture of a dead flower. Sylvia had picked melancholy as their emotion.
I blinked and felt a subtle change come over my emotions. Heero dropped his plastic scissors then looked up. Opening my mouth mechanically, I heard my voice make words that I did not prepare. "Oh, we got moved temporarily to a different wing. Somehow or another the wood in the walls got some sort of bug-things so we had to move. It's cool, though, we're just stuck in with some of the violent types. We have to be escorted to our rooms and stuff because of the bars, you know? It sucks."
My voice without my words. I was a perfect imitation of myself. My inflection, my tone, and my dialogue were so uniquely me, but I had no idea what I was saying until the words had already left my mouth. Surreal.
Howard just nodded, not looking up from where he was holding up a picture for Sylvia to apply glue to the back of. "Wow, that really does suck. When you gonna move back?"
I felt my shoulders shrug. "Whenever. We might not even get the same room back. I'll let you know."
"Cool," came the absent-minded answer. Sylvia looked up at me and glared. I felt my mind come back to me with that look. I just blinked back in response, then Heero and I continued to work on our project, as if nothing at all had happened. My programming had kicked in, programming I didn't even know was there. It was weird in ways that I can't even begin to explain, frightening and revealing, and just another part of my day.
The rest of class passed as well as it could have been expected to. That part of the conversation was all but forgotten in normal terms, but my words kept running through my mind, around and around in circles like a scared little kid on a sugar high.
At last class ended and we put our stuff up. Howard gave Sylvia a peck on the cheek and ran full tilt out the room, brushing past the big orderlies flanking the doorway. He had drank too much milk substitute at lunch and really had to go to the bathroom. It was a common scenario. As I was about to leave, Sylvia stopped me, grabbing mine and Heero's arms to get our attention.
"I know what you're not allowed to talk about," she whispered. "I hope that you don't give in, and I'm sorry. I can't say more, and I'm sure that you know why." Wincing in pain, she let go of our arms and hurried away, ignoring the glares of the orderlies as she passed.
Heero and I just looked at each other. "I wonder if this has to do with my parents. Hers knew mine, remember?" I muttered quietly to Heero as we left the classroom. And for the second time in the last thirty seconds I felt myself being jerked to a stop by a hold on my upper arm.
I looked up at the big orderly who had stopped me. Blinking in surprise, I realized it was Otto. He had gotten a hair cut and lost a bit of weight, and because I wasn’t really been paying too much attention, I hadn't realized that it was him at first.
"Watch your mouth," He hissed into my ear. "It's not a good idea to discuss certain things where just anyone can overhear them." That said, he let go of my arm. Jerking away, I let Heero propel me forward into the corridor and away.
~ ~ ~ ~
Like we had just twenty-four hours ago, Heero and I waited in Mr. Khushrenada's classroom for the other guys. We were planning on meeting, going back to our room to drop off any notebooks or whatever, and go to the bathroom. Then we were going to head out and either go outside or hang out with some people. Nobody saw any sense in staying in our luxury rat cages.
Like yesterday, Mr. Khushrenada was sitting at his desk, doing some paperwork. Deciding to not let our hairy situation intimidate me, I went right up and stood in front of his desk, and Heero sat down in a front row desk to watch. No time like the present to ask about making up what I had missed while I was "unavailable." If I, as a patient, brought it up, it was okay to talk about under the policy. And believe me, I really needed to get caught up. I liked Calculus. I know, I know, I'm a big geek. Kiss my ass.
"Hiya," I said cheerfully. Even if the man was involved in our torture sessions with the scientists, it didn't mean I shouldn't be civil.
"Hello, Mr. Maxwell," he said, putting down his pen. "May I help you?"
"Yeah, I was wondering about making--" I stopped mid-sentence because someone had just walked up and sat down on the edge of Mr. K's desk. I just turned and looked at her. It was the same redheaded girl I had seen yesterday talking to him, the one that I sometimes saw in passing back in our new living area, the one who had been one of Ms. Une's student helpers. Considering the circumstances, I just looked at her for a minute before speaking to her. "Look, I really need to talk to Mr. Khushrenada right now. It'll only take a second, it's about class."
The girl, who I was pretty sure was a year or two older than me, just rolled her eyes and tucked a lock of her short red hair back behind her ear. "Well, look, I really need to talk to him, too."
"Sure, fine, whatever. Just give me a minute first, okay?" I responded, trying not to be too sarcastic with a person I barely knew.
I do believe that we were about to get into a nice little argument when Mr. Khushrenada cleared his throat. "Please don't be upset. Let me introduce you two," he spoke smoothly, gesturing to the girl. "Duo Maxwell, this is Mariemeia Khushrenada. Dear, this is Duo."
I heard Heero stand up behind me and felt his presence as he stalked forward to stand near me. Mr. Khushrenada chuckled. "I'm sorry, how uncouth of me. I've forgotten to introduce Heero Yuy," the teacher nodded towards Heero.
"Wait, are you two related?" I finally managed to say. "Khushrenada is not exactly a common name."
"Mariemeia is my daughter," Mr. Khushrenada responded, pride and love rolling off of him elegantly. "Now, honey, could you please let Duo finish first? You know I respect teacher-student confidentiality."
"Fine!" Mariemeia said with a huff. She walked over to the chalkboard and started drawing.
We finished our conversation without anything really interesting happening. I'd tell you about it but I wouldn't want to bore you. Suffice to say that the revelation of Mr. Khushrenada having a daughter being experimented on should be quite enough.
Once again I wondered about the motivations of the scientists. If such an obviously honorable man as Mr. Khushrenada allowed his own child to be in these men's care, then were we out of line in rebelling? Or maybe it was the other way around, perhaps if he didn't cooperate they might have killed him. Maybe that's what happened to my parents. This, of course, made me feel even guiltier and gave me even more to consider. The deeper we got, the instead of getting answers, we just kept uncovering more and more disturbing questions.
~ ~ ~ ~
For the next few days we were slowly introduced to our new schedule of existence. We'd go to class and basically live the way we had been before. Basically that consisted of eating in the hallways like everyone else, wandering around, sneaking out to the hollow tree if we could get away with it, and trying to act as though nothing had changed since the beginning of the year. I think we were desperately trying to be as normal as we knew how. It was probably a comfort reaction.
The only big difference was that we never spent any time in our room unless we could possibly help it. Before, our little room had been one of the places we would retreat to, a safe haven. Now it was a glorified cage. We spent more time with other patients, hanging out in the entertainment areas and participating in more recreational activities. It was weird, because we always stayed as a group, even in team activities we managed to keep together. We were a nucleus, a family, if you want to call it that. Everyone else and our other friends were really glad that we were spending more time out and about, so no questions were asked. Now that I think about it, it might have been part of our programming kicking in and making us socialize more. If we acted fine then people wouldn’t start asking questions. Or maybe it wasn't part of our programming, but a genuine normal reaction to our circumstance. I don't know. But either way, the scientists were happy that no one was asking any questions.
Ever so often one of us would get pulled out of class or lunch or group activities. We were being taken back in for mini-sessions, basically as little reviews for reinforcing our blocks. I guess the doctors were learning, because I'd always come back with a slight headache, none of that terrible aftermath of agony that had plagued Heero. No more experiments happened for the time being, and the frequent little sessions were bearable. Don't get me wrong, they weren't happy fun adventures, but it was better than full out torture.
For the most part, the next two or three weeks were uneventful. Heero and I finally finished our joint art project and turned it in. We got an A+ for "remarkable interpretation and good use of the medium," whatever that means. I got caught up in Calculus class, and everyone else's classes went fine. We no longer went to see our one-on-one therapists and no longer met with Dr. Quinze, which gave us free periods everyday. But wouldn't you know it, the only thing from our pre-torture/experiment days came back and bit us on the butt. Actually, this thing consists of two big hulking things. Namely, the Thugs.
We had all basically forgotten our previous policy of eating in a semi-crowded hallway during meal times. If we weren't actively eating with someone, then we had started going off by ourselves again. Privacy had become a precious commodity, we no longer had it in our room, and therefore we had started seeking it out in our old ways. Since we hadn't had any trouble from the Thugs in a long time, I guess you could say that we had kind of overlooked them as a threat. I mean, come on, can you blame us? We now had bigger things to worry about.
So anyway, one day we had decided to go and eat our evening meals in a secluded hallway. I don't remember what we were talking about specifically, and quite frankly, it's not nearly as important as what I am about to tell you. One minute we were joking around and eating, the next minute we were looking up at two big ugly bastards. I don't even remember them walking up, nor do I remember us pushing our trays out of the way and huddling up into a group. Shock and fear coursed through me, because, as I said before, we had basically forgotten about the Thugs. And now here they were, big as life and reminding me of things I had tried to block out of my memory.
Mueller was the first to speak, his tone mocking and cheerful, as he grinned nastily. "Oh, look who we have here. Haven't gotten to talk to you boys in quite a while. How have you been doing? I miss our little encounters," he leered down, winking at me in particular.
"Just go away," Wufei answered wearily. "We'd rather not deal with you two right now."
"Oh no! You've hurt my delicate feelings!" Alex exclaimed dramatically, clutching his heart and mock sobbing. "Whatever shall make me feel better?"
"I know what will make me feel better," Mueller laughed.
"I'm up for some entertainment," Alex answered. "Good thing we prepared well, isn't it?"
"Sure is," the other Thug answered. Then he abruptly lunged forward and hauled me to my feet, dragging me a little ways down the corridor. Alex crossed his meaty arms and leaned against the wall, simultaneously guarding my friends and watching Mueller pull me along.
When he had succeeded in getting me a nice little distance down the corridor, Mueller stopped, grinned at me for a second, and then shoved me backwards. I was expecting to collide with the hard wall of the hallway, but instead, I fell down, landing painfully on my ass on the cold floor. I had been pushed into a custodial supply closet. Evidently Mueller had opened the door before he and Alex had even walked up to us. I cursed my stupidity for forgetting about the Thugs, it was my own inattention to detail that had indirectly put me in this situation.
Stepping inside the closet, Mueller flicked the lights on and locked the door from the outside before stepping in himself. I guess Alex had the key and would let us out when Mueller was through. As the door clicked shut, I felt the bitter taste of bile rise up in the back of my throat. I was alone with the Thug, and there was no way that anyone would be able to save me this time.
I scrambled to my feet and started backing away from the approaching Thug. Because I was staring like a frightened animal at the approaching Mueller, I ended up running smack dab into the back of the closet. I had nowhere left to go. As he advanced, Mueller snagged an extension cord from a hook on the wall. Snapping its coils taunt in his big fists, he chuckled.
"I'm finally going to get you back, you little fucker," he hissed between clenched teeth. Leaping forward, he grabbed my upper arms and pinned them to my sides. Even though I struggled as hard as I could, jerking and scratching and kicking and punching, but there was no way I could win against someone that weighed over twice what I did and was two full feet taller than me. In a few bare seconds my wrists were pinned together above my head in one of Mueller's large fists and being tied tightly together with the electrical extension cord. I felt my hands start to go numb, the cord was wrapped too tightly for me to even wiggle my fingers, wrapping from my fingertips all the way down to pin my elbows within an inch of each other above my head.
Shoving me over to the side wall, the Thug caught the bonds of the cord up on a metal hook that was above my head, winding a bit of the cord so that I couldn't move far without jerking on my shoulders painfully. Leaning forward, Mueller spoke so ferociously that he sounded inhuman.
"Now you listen, you little pussy. I've had nothing but trouble because of you and your little bastard friends. First you get me into trouble back in the lab area, then you tell on me and get me into trouble again. Damnit!" He cursed for a few minutes, his words meaningless in their fierce intensity. Finally he got a hold of himself enough to continue with coherent words. "My pay was docked and I almost lost my goddamn job! And then I don't even do anything and your little friend kicks me in the fucking chest! That little bastard's going to be next! But first, you're going to get it! I have been waiting a good long time to get my hands on you, and you are going to fucking pay!"
"What? You were feeling me up those times! I never told a soul about them because I knew they wouldn’t believe me!" I said back with an even voice, even though I was going numb from helpless terror. It was a struggle not to just start shaking. I would not lose it. I would not break. I was determined.
"It doesn't matter what you say, you're going to pay. Of course you're going to lie, you don't want what I'm going to do to you," he hissed, grabbing around my neck and holding my head in place. I could barely breath as he leaned in closer, now whispering. His hot, dank breath washed over my skin like a dark cloud, his wide face obscuring everything else in my field of vision. "I want to hear you scream. I want to hear you cry. I'm going to ruin your pathetic little fucking life! I'm going to break you!"
The pure malice and conviction in Mueller's eyes did more to frighten me than his words could have hoped. Another stab of fear struck my heart dead center, making me start to shake involuntarily. It was almost as bad as seeing that thing in the corner. Pure evil in a person's eyes is one of the most bone-chilling, terrifying things I've ever seen. Even after all that I've seen in my life, all the sinister motives, all the twisted minds, all the terrible experiments and tortures, and even having my mind programmed to serve someone else's mere whims, pure evil is infinitely worse. Pure evil is something without true motive, it just moves of its own accord in a terrible path of destruction.
Seeing that I was sufficiently shaken, the Thug started his insidious form of torture. Reaching behind me, he grabbed my hair and yanked my head back. I felt a trickle of blood on the back of my neck as I felt hair being pulled savagely from my scalp. I bit my lip hard to keep from crying out, and icy terror reduced my thoughts to a pathetic litany of prayer and pleading that was dominated by pain and fear.
Then Mueller stepped up closer, smashing my body between him and the hard wall at my back. Brutally he started pinching random parts of my arms and legs, obviously unconcerned about leaving any marks. Giggling to himself, he licked the side of my neck, almost making me retch.
"I can taste your fear," he laughed.
Then he moved away and went over to a shelf lined with cleaning supplies. As he searched around for a few seconds, I tried to squirm my way free of the hook and electrical cord. I had a very bad feeling about whatever it was the Mueller was looking for. When he came up with a pair of scissors, I almost screamed at the maniacal look in his eyes as he waved the sharp instruments in one hand. What exactly was he planning to do with those? I turned around, twisting my arms painfully, and started to push off from the wall in earnest.
Seeing my panicked reaction, Mueller just laughed again, smiling wickedly. He brandished the scissors and in two steps was behind me, pressing me up against the wall. I felt the cool metal of the scissors' blades along my back, and then my shirt was gone. Burning with shame at my scars being exposed, then the humiliation of what was to come next hit me completely. Around the edges of my vision were dark ropes of vicious pain and darkness, dangling with a myriad of rage, lust, frustration, and frenzied vengeance demons. I felt my mind start to fleet away when I the cool steel of the blade slipped under the waistband of my cotton pants. I was starting to retreat within myself, trying to escape what was to come next. My thoughts were racing in the back of my mind, praying and looking for some way out of this deadly encounter.
The realization that Mueller might kill me hit me. He was taking such a risk to just do what he was doing now, surely he knew that he would be caught. Janitor closets lock from the outside, so it's not like I could get inside one all by myself. It just wouldn’t make sense. Besides, from the looks of the demons surrounding us and the evil hatred I had read in Mueller, he probably wouldn't stop torturing me until I stopped breathing. And suddenly, with this certainty, I felt something within me come alive.
"Step away from me, Mueller," I whispered quietly, calmly. My voice speaking without my words again. Programming had kicked in to protect the test subject from premature termination.
"What?" Mueller stopped for a second, sounding genuinely confused at my sudden lack of numb terror. Then he laughed and started to snip at my pants with the scissors.
The dark tendrils dancing at the edges of my vision thickened, and concentrating on them, I felt myself will them to move. They did. As I watched, my disconnected feeling grew stronger and mechanics kicked in. I felt that other sense rise up within my mind and awaken. The electrical cord binding my arms started to unravel, and in seconds I was free of it completely.
Meanwhile Mueller had stepped back and away from me, obviously seeing the cord move on its own. I turned around and looked at him impassively, hitching my pants in one hand and letting the other swing at my side clutching the electrical cord. The Thug was staring at me with wide eyes, utterly confused and shocked. He showed no fear at the moment. This would change.
Narrowing my eyes, I felt this power pulse around me, and I regained all the abilities that had been stripped away from me because of the mind blocks. Focusing on Mueller, I absently heard my heartbeat roaring in my ears and my breath racing in short, measured gasps. Then the strange power recklessly attacked, completely and totally out of my control. I was merely the source, not the master of its might. It was not within my ability to command it. It was just running out of me like a river to flood the current threat to my life. Quite frankly, it scared the hell out of me.
Mueller suddenly jerked, dropping the scissors with a clatter. He hit his knees, clutching his stomach and doubling over. I watched with frightened eyes as he started to throw up, emptying the contents of his stomach onto the linoleum in front of him with such force that he splashed some onto the walls and the bottoms of my legs. I felt more of the power flow out of me, centering from my mind and delving into his head. I caught a vision of a young Mueller, huddled in a corner. Rapidly I saw the life and times of the sobbing Thug, all through his own eyes as he relived his life in one torrid sweep. Then there was a momentary release, and Mueller looked up at me.
Blood vessels in both his eyes had burst, staining his corneas a sickly crimson. His face was stained with vomit, blood, and tears, a mess that was dripping off the point of his chin and onto the mess on the floor. Humbled before me was not a fearsome beast of a man, but just a scared and twisted boy trapped in a man's body. I felt the power within me start to wilt, and I thanked whoever might have been listening that this was all that had happened. He hadn't been hurt too badly, and he'd sure as hell think twice about messing with me again. Then his eyes glinted darkly, and he growled. And then he did the worst thing he could have possibly done at the moment. Mueller reached for the scissors that were now lying in the pool of vomit and dripping blood.
The power came back immediately, and as I watched helplessly, it became visible in a dark rage and literally ripped into the Thug, tearing away at his aura and life energy. Determinedly crawling forward, dragging trails with his hands and knees through the mess of vomit, he kept coming, madness now glimmering in his eyes and causing him to smile with sick stained teeth. Blood started to gush from his ears, and then he suddenly stopped his slow crawl to throw up again. The pain radiating off him was incredible, and the beasts of hatred were having a feast as he began to dry heave, spitting blood up when his stomach was empty.
By this time I had curled up into a ball and had crawled into a corner. I was sobbing and hugging my knees to my chest, rocking and trying to get control of the power. But no, the threat had to be completely eliminated. It was beyond me. I could do nothing to stop it. It was terrifying to see the power that lay within me tear a person apart spirit fiber by spirit fiber. A unique combination of possessing this power and being the tool of it made me want to close my eyes and just die, anything to make it stop.
Finally, thankfully, Mueller stopped crawling as the insane light in his eyes faded. His aura was completely ripped apart and decimated beyond repair. Then the power came rushing back within me. I felt bile again rise up in the back of my throat. I didn't want the power back. It had just killed someone for God's sakes! I felt dirty and filthy, absolutely vile. Because of me a man was dead. He was never going to see through his eyes, he'd never laugh, and he would never eat another meal. He would rot now. ROT.
The worst part of it was the way his aura had been ripped to shreds, into oblivion. If the aura is the extension of the soul, then did I destroy his soul? No one deserves that, no one at all. And all because I could not control my own mind. No doubt the scientists would be proud that their programming had kicked in and protected their precious specimen, their hope for the future of the human race.
If this was were the human race was headed, I didn't want to be human.
I'm not sure what happened after that. I just know that I stared at Mueller's body, lying in a puddle of his own vomit and drying blood, for what felt like a very long time. Dimly I heard a pounding at the door, then I felt rather than saw Alex bust through the door, followed by my friends. All I could see was the body.
Then my friends were around me, and I was broken out of my numbness. I could feel the wetness on my cheeks and neck, the tears even dampening the collar of my shirt. I allowed myself to be guided out of the closet, and even though they tried to get me out and away as quickly as possible, I didn't miss Alex's anguished sobbing by the body of his dead brother.
~ ~ ~ ~
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