By: Spooks
~ ~ ~ ~
I sat there, tensed and read to run at the realization of where this man was from. Beside me, Heero was unconsciously transmitting his emotions. There were literally gushes of shock and dull pain wafting off of his normally dampened aura. Glancing around at my other friends, I realized that they didn't know that this metal braced man was from the other side of that disguised door. Quatre was squinting at him, and I read the telltale signs that he was checking on the man with his other ability. Trowa looked impassive as always, and Wufei just looked thoughtful and serious.
Then it hit me that Quatre wasn't reacting to the guy. Maybe in his one session he hadn't seen too much, or maybe he was…worked on…by another guy. I considered this as I watched the guest settle down in a chair pulled up by Dr. Quinze. I saw that in addition to the braces on his legs and bionic eye covers, he had a trihooked appendage instead of a left hand. Icky. He probably had to take a bath in motor oil or something to keep all his metal parts from getting rusty.
We all sat and wallowed in an uncomfortably heavy silence for a few moments. Then Dr. Quinze cleared his throat and gestured to our guest. "Boys, I want you to meet Dr. J. He is one of the most prestigious doctors in the field of mental health treatment and research, and he works closely with our institution. He heard of our little experiment of putting you boys together in sessions and living quarters, and wanted to come in and ask you a few questions. Is this acceptable to you?" He finished and looked around at each of us, practically begging with his eyes for it to be okay with us. I guess this Dr. J was his boss.
We all nodded slowly, glancing at each other in doubt. Heero just stared straight ahead, filtering everything out. I think he was going into a state of shock or something, because when I tapped him on the arm he didn't even blink.
Dr. Quinze noticed this and frowned at Heero's lack of response. "Heero, are you listening?"
Before Dr. Quinze could say or ask anything else, Dr. J spoke, keeping his voice calm and low. "Heero, is it? Do you mind if I sit in on this session? Answer me." The last two words the man spoke were so cold and harsh I almost flinched.
Heero jerked as though he had been shocked. Slowly, almost mechanically, his head swiveled around to face Dr. J. He nodded once, dully staring at the man. The light that had started to fill Heero's eyes in the last few weeks vanished completely. Sitting beside me now was a mere automaton, a puppet for the will of those that experimented on him. Watching the exchange between the two, I felt a red hot hatred flare up within my heart for this Dr. J. He was one of the ones that hurt my Heero. He had just made my blacklist.
Then the doctor leaned back in his seat again and nodded for Dr. Quinze to go ahead. Dr. Quinze just smiled weakly, cleared his throat, and started our group discussion. Although he was trying not to show it, I could tell he was as nervous as hell. He kept drawing straight lines on his notebook absently, making a parallel set of black marks on the smooth white paper.
After a few minutes, when we had all lapsed into a thoughtful silence considering something Dr. Quinze has said, Dr. J leaned forward and spoke up. "Might I ask these boys a few questions, Quinze? Would you mind?" Quinze nodded.
"Excellent," Dr. J said, bringing his attention to us. Actually, he really turned in Heero's direction more than toward the rest of us, but since I was sitting beside Heero, I had a full view of the man's face. As he turned his head in our direction completely, the light reflecting off of the lens of his bionic opticals eerily, reminding me of a shadow demon's silver eyes for a moment.
"So, boys," he started. I cringed when he called us "boys." It just sounded so sinister and condescending the way he said it. "How are you enjoying your dormitory placement? Do you find that sharing quarters with others like yourself is helpful in any way?"
I swallowed thickly when I felt that mechanical gaze bore into mine. Did he suspect that we had connected because of our "quirks"? Or worse, did he know for certain? Just what was he trying to get at here?
"Actually, sir, we don't really have the same condition," I replied weakly. "We're friends, but we have a lot of differences."
J just raised one thick white eyebrow and chuckled. "Oh, really? And here I was told you were all connected?"
Dr. Quinze broke in. "No, Dr. J, they've all been diagnosed differently. Besides their shared trait of delusions, then they are different in their afflictions."
"But do they not collaborate?" J asked, turning back to Dr. Quinze. The two began talking about us as if we weren't there, so I took the opportunity to check out the others' reactions.
I glanced at them one at a time, starting with Heero. He was staring twin holes into the floor by his feet, but when I looked over at him, he brought his gaze up to meet mine. His eyes were filled with terror and a sick certainty. He knew that this Dr. J coming to our session was a terribly bad sign, same as I did.
Moving my gaze away from Heero for a moment, I took in Wufei's reaction. My Chinese friend had blanked his face of all emotion, but I could tell that he was worried. Obviously he was considering J's words carefully, trying to read between the lines for any sign of deceit or ill intention. Wufei had a knack for that sort of thing.
Checking out Trowa's reaction, I was not surprised to see that his eyes were glazed over as he listened to the quickly multiplying worry demons that were clustered on his shoulders and murmuring into his ears. Quatre was looking at Trowa with worry, evidently concerned about his tall boyfriend's reactions. Feeling my gaze on him, my blond friend turned and looked back at me. I could read the worry in his eyes, and the blatant fear.
I broke out of my train of thoughts when I heard J and Dr. Quinze stop talking for a few seconds. Sometimes sudden silence can be just as jarring as an alarm. This was one of those times. Dr. Quinze looked angry, but slightly fearful. I had completely tuned out the two men's voices while I was thinking, and now I wish I had been paying attention.
"Please, Dr. Quinze, I won't harm them," J finally said, a chilling smile on his thin lips. I swear, I almost added "much" out loud to the end of his sentence. It just had that sort of air to it. Dr. Quinze just nodded wearily and got up, taking his notebook with him. He left the room without so much as a single glance back.
I felt my fear and panic go up a few more notches when Dr. Quinze left. What exactly did J want with us alone? Somehow I doubted that he wanted to get our opinions on Dr. Quinze and his treatment of us. There was no "standard evaluation" type feeling to the man's attitude and actions.
"Well, let's cut right to it, shall we?" Dr. J said, standing up from his chair and starting to pace around our circle. "I've been watching your cases for a while now, and it seems to me that boys with your talents would work quite well together."
He stopped behind Heero's chair and put a hand on each of Heero's shoulders, his triclaw hand snagging slightly on the fabric of my boyfriend's shirt. "Just by observing some of your…activities…" He paused, moving away from Heero and starting to walk behind me, his optics flashing under the light. "Ah yes, your activities. Well, suffice to say that when viewed together, the five of you make an interesting group."
"Now, I'm a great lover of humanity, and in my work I try to benefit all of human kind with my studies. My ultimate goal is to bring about understanding and a new, more open society," the man continued as he limped around our chairs, his metal leg braces shrieking noisily. He had a sort of wistful sound to his voice, as though he was speaking of his true heart's intention.
How the hell did hurting Heero help greater society as a whole?
"You see, my friends, my fellow human beings, there are those of us discriminated against for our handicaps. You for your mental afflictions, me for my dependency on my metal additions and handicaps. However, more often than not, mental problems can be responsible for a whole host of things, and therefore they provide many more freedoms for the name of science," He smiled at that, finally finished with circling around us and easing back down in his chair.
"What exactly do you mean by that?" Wufei asked carefully, leaning forward and putting his elbows on his knees. "Are you implying that people such as we are expendable?"
J smiled sinisterly. "I never said such a thing."
"What do you mean, then? Why are you talking to us like this? What's the damn point?" I asked, feeling my rising anger at the man starting to take control of me.
"I'll tell you the point," J replied, his voice ice cold. "You are going to help my colleagues and I in ways that are only possible with your so-called afflictions. You will assist in the advancement of our species. You are the first, the pioneers. You are the future. Control will be achieved of all the abilities of the human psyche," He chuckled darkly. "And you will do it, or else. Here is a demonstration, for your amusement."
That said, Dr. J stood up and walked over to Heero, leaned forward and said something quietly to him. Heero slumped in his chair, his chin resting on his chest lightly. He was unconscious. That bastard had told my Heero to pass out, and he had done it. My God.
"That's just a mild show. Be glad I didn't do anything more," J said, patting Heero's now limp shoulder carelessly, almost causing the unconscious boy to fall out of his chair. If I hadn't jumped out of my chair and caught him, he might have landed square on his nose.
"Why did you do that?" I asked as I hauled Heero back up into his chair.
"An example of what can happen if you boys meddle," He, pausing, "Again, that is. Some of you are quite photogenic, you know."
Oh God, so they really did know we were in that passage last night. I logically knew that they would, but it was another thing to have that suspicion confirmed, another thing entirely.
"Why are you really doing this?" Quatre asked suddenly, honest curiosity shining off of him lightly.
"Like I said, for the good of humanity," J answered, his brow wrinkling in mild confusion.
"Yes, but aren't we humans, too? Why would you choose us to help humanity, as you put it? There are others that could be used, with their consent. We are humans, and we have rights!" Wufei exclaimed, dark anger starting to feather off of him.
"No, you're not, and no, you don't. At least, no one really thinks so. Think about it, who would listen to you now? Who from your old lives would ever really take you seriously? You are apart from humanity now, and all you can be good for is redeeming the rest of them. You might as well make yourselves useful," J replied easily. From his mannerisms and attitude, I could tell that he honestly believed in what he was saying. He really did want to help the human race…but at our expense.
"We are people," Trowa said evenly, his eyes blazing emerald. I do believe Trowa was pissed.
"Of course you are. I know that. But I don't decide what the rest of humanity thinks," J chuckled. "It's true, and you know it."
He left the room, then, limping out the door without another word. As I watched him leave, I understood with sickening clarity that we were in major trouble. And that's because I realized that what Dr. J had said was right. We really weren't people anymore. We were "crazy."
I've read accounts from the pre-colony times about mental health. For the longest time, diseases that had nothing to do with insanity or mental infirmities were liable to get you shoved in a padded room and left to rot, or worse. Quatre had told us about the electroshock treatment that kook had tried on him, siting the pre-colony days.
A little bit more research showed some frightening realities about those days so long ago. Mental patients were numbers, and more often than not, they were treated worse than animals. Experimental procedures and surgeries were the norm. If you died under the care of the asylum, you were buried in the backyard or in a little wooded patch of trees, a shallow grave to house your bones with no marker other than a piece of wood or iron with your number scrawled on it.
I had thought those days were gone. Instead, I realized that society would probably be apathetic at best, if five little lunatics went through a bit of pain. We really weren't human in their eyes, so they could reason away our suffering if they were to get the benefit. Lab rat mentality.
I hate it when I can understand the bad guys. Realization and rationalization are truly horrible things.
~ ~ ~ ~
As soon as the door closed behind J, we all slumped down in our chairs, as though we had been deflated. Well, except for Heero. He was still unconscious. We waited expectantly, our eyes glued to the crack under the door, where we could see the shadows of J's feet. For a second he stood there alone, but then another set of feet joined his, casting their shadows under the door for us to see as well. Meiran floated over and stuck her head through the wall for a few seconds, watching whoever it was.
The feet moved away after a few seconds, and Meiran brought her head back in, telling Wufei and Trowa what she had seen. They translated that J had stopped Dr. Quinze from coming in the room and the two had walked off together. J had told Quinze that we were "more feisty than he expected and would benefit the cause more with such spirit." Ugh. Hope he didn't get off on our "spirit." Nasty weirdo.
Meiran also said something that made us all quite nervous (that's a giant understatement). She said that she had seen Otto coming from the opposite direction from the way that Quinze and Dr. J had left, and he had been watching them carefully. He was now headed straight towards our door. Hearing this, I immediately stood up and tried to wake Heero up. I would not be good to have a run-in with a semi-Thug with him unconscious. He'd be hard to defend, and I needed his support to remain strong. It was right at this point, as I was whispering into his ear and gently shaking his shoulders, that I realized just how dependent on Heero I was. I needed him.
Quatre had joined me in trying to bring Heero back around, and he was about to do that transfer thing again, I think, when a tentative knock came at the room's door. Meiran stuck her head through the wall and reported back that it was indeed Otto. We wouldn't have time for anything now. The orderly might get suspicious. So the four of us (the living and conscious) exchanged a series of looks. I pulled my chair up next to Heero's on one side, and Quatre did the same on the other. Trowa stood off to the side, but near enough that his defensive stance was not unnoticed. Wufei opened the door quickly and stepped back, Meiran wrapping her arms around his shoulders as she glared at the semi-Thug.
Otto just blinked in surprise for a few seconds at the door's sudden opening. Then he cleared his throat and looked each of us in the eye, stopping his gaze it landed on me. "I was sent to assist Mr. Yuy in getting back to your room. I was told he might need some help."
Wufei raised an eyebrow at this. "Oh really? Who told you that Heero would need help?"
Otto frowned for a second. "Oh my, he's unconscious? Would you like me to carry him for you?"
"Uh-hey, you didn't answer my question!" Wufei said, tapping the larger man on the shoulder as he walked by.
Otto stopped and looked down at Wufei. "Your friend is unconscious and you're worried about who sent me? It was, uh, Quinze, okay?"
Sincerity and discomfort was rippling slightly off of Otto's aura as he turned back to where Quatre and I flanked Heero. He crouched down to get at our eye level and looked me square in the face. "May I help? Will you trust me?" He asked with true concern in his voice.
Quatre looked at me, and it was obvious by the look on his face that he wanted to believe that Otto wanted to help. Trowa's eyes glinted for a second with his sharp, minute nod of consent. I glanced over at Wufei, who nodded slightly.
Even though we knew Otto had been lying about who had sent him, he obviously did want to help. The other's agreement with the man's offer, especially Wufei's agreement, only confirmed my gut feeling to let the man help us, at least with this. For some reason my Chinese friend could tell if a person was lying or not, and whether their actions were with good intentions. I always just thought he was relying on his intelligence and perception, both of which I trusted immensely.
I looked at Otto and nodded once. "If you hurt him, I will find a way, so help me God, to get you back for it," I said softly.
"Concern noted," Otto replied, and without further preamble, he plucked Heero up easily and started walking towards the door. Wufei walked in front of him, leading him out, and I followed right behind the large man so I could keep an eye on Heero's status. Trowa and Quatre brought up the rear, closing the door behind us as we left.
As we walked through the corridors to our room, I caught sight of one of the wire-encased wall clocks. I was surprised to note that we still had over half of our session time left until afternoon classes. Our session had felt like it had lasted hours, but it had only lasted minutes, even with Dr. Quinze showing up late. Thank God, too. We were going to need time to recover from that little ordeal. Especially Heero, who still hung in Otto's big arms like a little rag doll. It pained me to see how his slight frame looked even more delicate as it was dwarfed in comparison to the large man's bulk.
When we reached our room, Wufei preceded Otto inside and drew back the curtain on the large combined bed. The big orderly didn't show any surprise at the huge bed, neither in his facial expression or aura. He carefully put Heero down, then turned and walked straight towards the doorway.
"Thank you," Quatre told him as he walked past the blond. Otto merely nodded once, glanced at the rest of us, and left, closing the door behind him.
In my book, Otto had just redeemed himself from Thug status.
As soon as he was gone, we all piled onto the big bed and surrounded Heero, who we shifted over so that he was in the middle. I settled in at the top of the bed, my legs crossed and my back leaning against the headboard so I could cradle Heero's head in my lap. Quatre was on my left, Trowa was on my right, and Wufei was beside Trowa. Meiran floated at the base of the bed, half in and half out of the sheet curtain shrouding the combined bunk.
"Now what?" I asked the other guys.
"What do you mean? What do we do about Heero, or what do we do about this new threat to our welfare?" Wufei asked in response.
"Uh, well, both, actually. I'm starting to get pretty freaked out here. That J guy just whispered something in Heero's ear and he just fell over. That can't be healthy," I replied, biting my lip.
"I can try that thing I did yesterday, that thing with the energy transfer or whatever it was," Quatre suddenly said.
"Will it hurt you?" Trowa asked calmly, despite the hint of worry in his eyes.
"Yes, but I think it's worth the sacrifice," Quatre replied with determination, then turned to me. "Duo?"
I held out my hand and let Quatre grab it. He then placed his other hand on Heero's forehead, like before. Just as it had happened yesterday, I started to feel energy being sapped from my body, and I felt myself get lightheaded. Faintly, as my vision started to black out, I could hear Quatre's voice, "I don't know if I can get enough to wake him up!" His voice was urgent, I noted dimly as I felt my eyes droop closed.
Suddenly I felt a jolt of energy going through me. My eyes eased open, and I realized that Trowa had grabbed my other hand, adding his energy to the effort. I felt another course of energy as I watched Wufei grab Trowa's other hand and add himself to the link up. Quatre was shaking slightly, eyes closed in pain and concentration, and he was gripping my hand so tightly that his knuckles were turning white and my hand was aching.
Suddenly Heero's eyes fluttered open, and there was a back surge of energy, causing all of us to cry out and break apart our human chain. Quatre was almost crying from the strain, and Trowa immediately stumbled up and clumsily made his was around the large bed to gather the small blond into his lap. For a split second I wondered when Trowa had become such a damn ungraceful klutz, then I realized that my hands were shaking and I was gripping onto the fabric of Heero's shirt so hard that I was threatening to tear it. I felt my vision swim and I closed my eyes, willing away a wave of nausea. I could hear Wufei's ragged panting as he tried to catch his breath. Waking Heero up had taken a lot out of us.
Finally I felt steady enough to open my eyes again. Since my head was bowed, Heero's concerned blue eyes were the first things I saw. I smiled weakly at him, and I was pleased beyond words when he smiled his tiny little smile back at me. Then he carefully sat up, removing the comfortable weight of his head from my lap.
I was not to be disappointed, though, because he immediately scooted back once he was sitting so that his butt was right in front of my crossed legs. Taking the hint, I uncrossed my legs and put them at either side of him, pulling him back to lean against me. I wrapped my arms around his waist in the process and felt his arms tangle comfortably with mine in response. For a few minutes we all sat there, allowing ourselves to catch our breath and regain some of the energy and strength lost from our efforts.
Finally, Quatre spoke up in a low, tentative voice. "What now?"
"We find a way to fight back again," I answered as I tightening my grip around Heero's waist. I felt his grip on my arms tighten in response.
"How?" Wufei asked, pulling his knees up to his chest and hugging them.
Silence.
~ ~ ~ ~
We didn't talk anymore until it was time to leave for our afternoon classes. We agreed to come back to the room as quickly as possible after class ended. Then we were going to head out to the tree. It always seemed to help us to go out there, maybe because it was the only place that no one else could find us, our little secret. Hopefully by then we'd be over our shock and able to think a little more optimistically, or think at all, for that matter.
Heero and I wandered into art a few minutes before class was to start and sat down across from each other at our table. We were still doing that joint project I mentioned earlier, the one were we drew self portraits and then drew each other, not showing either to the other person until we were done. We had started to work on our pictures of each other, and therefore we couldn't sit side-by-side.
Howard came in and sat down at one of the sides between us, grinning slightly. "Hi guys! Having a good day?"
"Sure, man, we're cool," I replied weakly.
"You don't sound cool. Bad session?" He asked, tipping his sunglasses down on his nose to look me in the eye.
"You could say that," I replied, trying not to laugh hysterically at the irony of Howard's question. No laughing like a maniac here, they might come and take you away. (ha ha!)
Then Howard's partner for the joint project, Sylvia, sat down across from him. She nodded politely to Heero and I and then quietly got her stuff out. Usually she sat at a table by herself, and she had only joined up with our little group for the purposes of the project. I don't know her very well, nor do I know why she's even here, but she's okay and I don't mind her sitting with us for this project. I knew her before either of us came to this lovely institution, too, but we just never talked. Our parents knew each other, but we never really like each other much.
Sylvia is the granddaughter of some big government hotshot. I'm not sure what he does, and I don't really care that much, but I do know that he's so damn good that no one even cares that a member of his family is living in a loony bin. That really is saying something, especially considering the state of the current political environment.
Oh, but anyway, I was getting to how I knew Sylvia before either of us was deemed to be "unstable." I mentioned before that my parents were in an accident, and that they worked for the government, thus forcing the bureaucrats to have to pay for my fees at this lovely and glorious institution. My parents were scientists working in a lab, and Sylvia's father was one of their associates.
When I was a little kid, evidently I was very cute, so my parents would take me to the lab sometimes and "show me off" (their words, not mine). They'd let me pet some of the lab animals and carry test tubes for them…well, the unbreakable test tubes with nothing too bad in them. As I got older, a few times they absolutely had to take me with them, because daycare wasn't open on Sundays or Saturdays, and there were quite a few weekends that they needed to work and couldn't get a sitter. I guess Sylvia's dad had the same problem, so I met her a few times, but we never talked much. Sylvia was always a quite kid, and I probably scared her a little. Plus I thought that girls had cooties.
I do believe I was slightly hyperactive and loud when I was younger. Maybe it had something to do with those pesky little mischief sprites. Nice little guys, but they stopped coming to me when I started to see the demons. And before you ask, yeah, my parents knew I saw stuff. They believed me, though, or at least they thought I was just playing with "imaginary" friends. I don't know for sure. When I was younger, I never doubted my sanity. When I started seeing things, I genuinely thought that everyone else saw them, too. When the accident happened, the one that killed them, I was only ten. After being bounced around an orphanage or two and after they did some psychological testing, I eventually landed here when I was about 12 or 13, believing that I was insane. Okay, sorry, got off on a tangent again, didn't I?
So anyway, Sylvia had joined our table temporarily because Howard had asked her to be his partner. I do believe my friend had a crush on the blond girl. I don't know how that happened, but it was amusing and cute, because they really are total opposites. As for her, I don't know how she feels toward Howard, but Howard says that she looks over at him a lot, at least when they were working on this project. I think it was probably because she was drawing him, but I didn't tell him that.
Anyway, class passed rather quickly, even if Howard and Sylvia kept looking at us funny. Well, me especially, since I wasn't smiling or joking around with Heero like I normally do. Five minutes before class the two of us started subtly putting away most of our things, shooting secretive glances at each other occasionally as we did so. As soon as Ms. Une dismissed us, we were out the door and gone, rushing down the hallway and dodging bodies as best we could until we reached our room.
We went in and started to gather anything we might need to go out to the tree. I found the flashlight, since we had used it the night before, and tucked it into the waistband of my pants. Heero got his notebook and a couple pencils, and then grabbed us a blanket to sit on. It was easier to sit on something, that way we wouldn't have to worry as much about getting telltale dirt on our clothes. We were planning on leaving it in the tree for later use, and there was no time like the present to sneak it out.
Trowa, Wufei, and Quatre came in, and they looked like they had run the whole way from their last class. Seeing that Heero and I had already gathered the stuff together, all that we had left to do was, well, go to the bathroom. Just in case, you understand. It's no fun peeing out there among the hollow trees and non-concealing shrubbery, and it sucks to have to hold it in.
So we took our turns, taking maybe ten minutes at the most for all of us to go. Making sure we had everything, we gathered together. I opened the door, and you'll never guess who had his hand raised to knock on the door. Yep, it was Mueller. I recoiled in surprise and stumbled back, running into Heero, who stopped my sort-of-fall by catching me. As for Mueller, having the door in front of him open so unexpectedly, he blinked for a second at his knuckles colliding with air, then brought his arm down to his side swiftly, a light blush spreading across his cheeks. I'm telling you, if I hadn't still been shocked at having that big ugly Thug standing right there in front of me, I probably would have laughed.
Alex, who had not tried to stifle his laughter at all, was standing behind his brother with his arms crossed. "Okay, we're here to escort Trowa Barton to a session. Come on," the blond man said between snickers as he gestured for Trowa to come forward.
We collectively blinked at the two Thugs, standing there like we had been frozen. Questions were racing through my mind at a rapid fire pace. Yesterday Quatre, today Trowa? Would Wufei be tomorrow? Would I? Was it our faults that they were bringing Trowa in today, because of our explorations yesterday? So many questions, and none of them had answers.
I felt Trowa brush past me as he walked out the door. When he was out in the hallway, standing between the two Thugs, he didn't look as tall as he normally did. He sent us all a strained half smile, and I could see frosty fear glazing his eyes slightly. He looked at each of us in turn, lingering longer on Quatre than the rest of us. The worry demons were multiplying right before my eyes, and as I watched, a few of them mutated with the influence of Trowa's fear. Behind me I could feel the sympathy, guilty relief, and fear from my friends as their emotions spiked and prickled at my back.
Then Mueller poked my friend's shoulder, and pushed him along the hallway in the direction of the renovated wing. As they walked, Trowa kept turning his head to glance back at us, and as a group we moved out into the hallway and watched him being taken away. I felt like I was going to be sick. It was only a matter of time before they came for all of us, and that meant me, too.
After what seemed like an eternity, my friend turned and disappeared at the corner of the hallway. For a few long seconds we stood there and stared, then we went back into our room to wait for him to come back. Who knows what would happen? He might return unconscious, or he might not remember anything, like Quatre. Hell, he might come back with some sudden new talent, like Quatre had.
As we sat down silently on our large bed, we dropped our supplied in a pile on the floor. One thing kept running through my mind…
What if Trowa didn't come back at all? It wasn't likely, but it was possible. Anything was. And that's what was so damn terrifying.
~ ~ ~ ~
Trowa was gone for two hours, longer than even Heero had ever been. When the door finally opened and he stumbled in, we were all worried sick. Quatre had been pacing for thirty minutes straight, Wufei was staring out between the bars on the windows, and Heero and I were just sitting there brooding together silently. As soon as we heard the creak of the hinges, we got to our feet to help guide Trowa to the bed to sit down.
The tall boy was soaked in sweat, and his eyes were impossibly wide, almost looking as though they were going to pop out of his head. He had both hands clamped over his ears and had his head bowed slightly, his back hunched over and his legs holding him unsteadily. At the doorway, Alex stood, looking at Trowa with an incredulous expression.
"I don't know what's wrong with him, he came out of the labs like that!" The Thug exclaimed, biting his lower lip. "I'm, uh, going to go now. Hope he calms down."
And with that, Alex left, closing the door for us and hightailing it away. Labs? Check one confirmation of our suspicions. Thank you, Mr. Thug.
Trowa collapsed on the bed, curling up into a fetal position and still covering his ears. We gathered around him, kneeling on the mattress and forming a tight circle.
"Trowa! Trowa? What did they do to you? What's wrong?" Quatre sounded like he was on the verge of tears, and there was a taint of panic to his voice as he gently shook the tall boy's shoulders.
Trowa looked up at him with wide, frightened eyes. He whimpered slightly and curled up tighter into himself. All but two of Trowa's little worry demons had vanished and the two that were still there were perched on his shoulder and poking the hands covering his ears tentatively. They looked up at me with little reddish-brown glowing eyes, mouths unmoving and forming little fanged pouts. They pointed down at Trowa, then covered their tiny faces with their clawed hands. If I didn't know better, I would have thought those worry demons were, well, worried.
"I swear, on all that I believe in, that those bastards will pay," Wufei whispered angrily, his face a mask of fury. Meiran wore a look of rage that was similar to her husband's, and the couple looked at each other and nodded in unison.
"What the hell did they do to him?" I whispered, trying not to flinch as anguish waved off of Trowa in dark purple ripples.
Just then, Trowa looked up at all of us and whispered something. As a group, we all leaned forward, our heads bumping slightly as we got closer. "I can hear them all. All of them. They're so loud. I cover my ears and I can still hear them. All of them. Why won't they leave me alone?" He sounded so pathetic. It almost made me cry to see my friend reduced to such a state.
"Trowa, who are you talking about?" Quatre whispered back, despite the fact that Trowa still had his ears covered.
"You, all of you, and all of them. Thousands of voices, and I can't make them stop!" He replied urgently.
I remember thinking, 'All of us? As in our thoughts? Or maybe he means more than just the worry demons. Maybe he is hearing shadow demons and their kin now, too. Wow, that sucks!'
"Is that what it is?" Trowa asked, looking up at me with wide emerald eyes.
"I didn't say anything," I replied, feeling very confused.
"Yes you did, I heard you."
'Can you hear me now?' I thought back, testing my theory.
"Yes," Trowa answered, panic on his face. He had been watching me and knew my lips hadn't moved.
"What's going on?" Wufei asked, looking back and forth between Trowa and I.
"Trowa's hearing some of our thoughts, as well as more than just the worry demons," I replied, disbelief and shock causing my voice to fluctuate slightly.
Heero handed me a note.
--He has to try and filter some of it out, or he will go crazy.--
I read the note out loud, and Quatre leaned in and started to whisper soothing, comforting words to Trowa, one of his hands placed on the back of the tall boy's neck. Eventually Trowa stopped shaking and slowly uncovered his ears. They were both bright red from the pressure, and there were a few marks on the sides of his head where he had clawed at them, probably when the first onslaught of sound had hit him. The two little worry demons started jumping up and down happily on his shoulder.
Finally Trowa sat up, toppling the little worries. He allowed Quatre to pull him back to lean against him. It was strange, seeing the smaller boy support Trowa in such a way, but it was cute, too. Quatre reached up and tucked his chin over Trowa's shoulder so he could see the rest of us and wrapped his arms around the taller boy's waist from behind.
"Trowa, are you going to be okay?" Wufei finally asked.
He nodded in response. "I think so. I'm having trouble filtering everything and everyone out. I can hear so much more…" Trowa's voice trailed off as his eyes glazed over, and he listened to the pair of worry demons that had climbed back up to perch on his head. We waited patiently for him to continue.
"Evidently I'm picking up random thoughts, more of the other creatures, and I think a few of the deceased that aren't as strong as Meiran," he finished a moment later.
"How did this happen? Do you remember anything?" I asked, scooting closer to Heero for comfort.
Trowa shook his head slightly. "Not much, I remember a white room, and then prick on my arm…then nothing. It's as though nothing happened."
Heero leaned forward and gently rolled up Trowa's sleeve. Sure enough, there was the telltale bandage on the crook of his elbow from the shot. Then Heero wrote a quick note and handed it to me.
--No pain?--
"Not too much, just a dull roar in the back of my mind. It's not as bad as the voices, though. They're deafening…and some hurt to listen to. I don't like some of these new ones," Trowa replied, a haunted look coming over his face.
I can only imagine. I had seen some pretty terrible things because of my ability, but I know that there is more stuff out there than what I can see. Sometimes I feel a presence of evil, and then all the little demons that are around run away. Something has to cause that. I also know that I don't see nearly as many wandering souls as there probably are out there. The only reason I see Meiran is because she acts as a companion soul to Wufei, actively staying with him. And if all Trowa really heard before were worry demons and the occasional companion soul…
Let's just say that if his hearing was opened all the way, and I suspected that it was, I really felt for him. It was a wonder he wasn't raving by now and biting his toes. But no, here he was, sitting calmly, and only looking a little worried. He was adapting already. Maybe it was his natural strength of mind and will, but somehow I don't think that was all there was to it. Whatever they had done, I think they had made it possible for Trowa to continue to live and adapt to his new ability. Call it an educated guess.
For a few minutes we sat in a deep contemplative silence. From the looks on my friends' faces, I could tell they were trying to assimilate all this together in their minds, just the same as I was. Then Wufei started to think out loud, whispering quietly and making vague hand gestures as he spoke.
"Quatre's empathic…since he was taken, he has a new ability that plays off his natural one. Trowa could hear voices, now he can hear more voices and hear occasional thoughts…" My Chinese friend muttered, tapping his chin with his index finger.
Okay, time out for a second here. At this point it occurred to me that Trowa could hear thoughts. I mean, I understood before, but now it hit me exactly what that meant. He could hear thoughts. As in, I could be sitting thinking dirty thoughts about Heero, and Trowa might pick up on them. Or, he could be walking down the hallway and pick up on of the Drone's thoughts. This could be potentially very embarrassing and very valuable.
All right, back to what Wufei was saying. Suddenly he stopped his little mutterings and blinked a few times. I could tell he was onto something. "Heero, what is it that you do, anyway? Can you try and communicate that to us?"
I spoke up then, remembering all the details of yesterday's vision. You see, at the time, I had been distracted with my worry about waking Heero up from his unhealthy unconsciousness. Later we just hadn't gotten to the details of the vision.
"Heero can see through time, he told me yesterday in that vision we had. You know, the one were I passed out, then woke up and saw his eyes all bloody?" I said, feeling stupid for not remembering to share this earlier. I guess they understood because no one said anything about that.
"Wow," Quatre said softly, peeking over Trowa's shoulder. "How does that work?"
Heero just bit his lip and looked forlorn.
"Can't say?" Wufei asked, sighing. Damn those mental blocks.
Heero shook his head sadly.
I chuckled darkly, hugging Heero to try and help him feel a little better. "Well, we could always ask you stuff anyway and watch you wince in pain. At least we'd know we were getting close," I joked, tightening my arms around him and feeling him hug back. Then I felt his head move and his chin caress my shoulder. He had nodded.
I pulled away and smoothed the bangs from his face, then kissed his forehead. "Very funny, I was just kidding."
He pulled out his notepad and wrote quickly, handing me the paper.
--That's a good idea. I'm willing to try it.--
"No way!" Quatre said, thumping Heero's upper arm. "We're not going to purposely put you through pain. We're your friends!"
Another quickly scribbled note.
--And I am yours. Let me do this for you, my friends, or we will all go through much worse in the future.--
Trowa nodded. "He's right, you know."
"It's not fair, but it's what must be done," Wufei agreed. I know it hurt them to admit it out loud.
"But, no!" Quatre protested, looking to me for support. One look at Heero's face silently pleading with me to let him do this was all it took to make up my mind.
"Are you sure?" I whispered to Heero. He nodded once, very slowly.
"Then we shall do it," I responded quietly with reluctance, closing my eyes for a moment and scooting closer to him. "We're all right here, I'm here. Remember that."
Then we started. As I held Heero close to me, Wufei and Trowa asked questions. I could tell it hurt them terribly to be the indirect cause of the pain that was wracking Heero's body. At one point in the questioning, we knew we were getting closer and closer to the truth.
"Into the past, you can see anything you wish to see, if you use your abilities?" Wufei asked, wiping at his eyes. All of us were weeping silently by now. It was terrible. It was necessary.
By this time I had Heero pulled into my lap. He was trembling and sweat soaked, latching onto me instinctively. At this particular question he spasmed in a huge tremor, but he managed to nod once. We were having a breakthrough. He had been fighting the pain to answer the questions, and we were finally getting somewhere.
"How far back can you see? Can you see back into the distant past?" Wufei asked, his voice flat and lifeless.
Heero shook his head, not in too much pain from that question.
Trowa spoke up. "Can you see back fifty years from now?"
I felt the tremor in Heero's body before I saw the pain on his features as he shook his head. We were getting closer.
"Heero, can you only see as far back as your own lifetime?" Quatre asked softly, his first question.
I felt my love's body jerk and stiffen, then shake terribly. I could see the searing pain waft off Heero, but he managed to nod his head minutely, giving us the answer we needed.
"I'm sorry," Quatre whispered, burying his head into Trowa's back.
Heero smiled weakly and shrugged in reply. He took a deep breath and nodded again, tightening his grip on me and focusing again on Wufei.
Wufei took a deep breath. "Now, how far into the future can you see? Is it as far as your own lifetime as well?"
Heero bit his lip as the pain hit him, and he shrugged. That wasn't right, and we knew it. If he didn't know, he didn't get the pain that badly. We all knew this. Heero was hiding something.
"Heero," I whispered into his ear. "Tell us the truth, please."
He looked at me with a mixture of pain, shock, and sorrow. He looked like he felt betrayed, too, which broke my heart.
"Is it not a yes or no answer?" I asked, trying to amend the situation, and attempting to give him a way out if he wanted it.
Heero nodded at that, wincing a tiny bit.
"Do you think so or not, then? What's the answer?" Wufei asked, his voice cracking slightly.
Very slowly, Heero picked up his pencil, his hand shaking badly as dark waves of black pain etched the air around him. He gritted his teeth and started to write. Suddenly, Quatre cried out in distress and laid his hand on Heero's shoulder. Immediately the small blond started to shake, and pain was radiating off of him now instead of Heero. Heero finished his note quickly, and Quatre broke away and slumped forward onto Trowa's back. The tall boy turned at the waist and pulled the small blond into his lap carefully, returning the favor from earlier. Heero handed me the note.
--I'm not sure about the future. I can only see so far, and that vision is what appears to be deadly. There is fire. We are all there. Then it ends. I cannot see further.--
"Fire? Oh, that is not good at all. Oh crap, that sounds unpleasant. In fact, yeah, it's safe to say that it completely sucks. What are we going to do?" I whispered in one quick breath.
"There has to be something, we have to try," Wufei replied, shock also masking his normally composed face.
"Yes," Trowa agreed.
"We can't give up," Quatre whispered weakly.
"I have an idea," I said, getting hit by a random thought. I explained my tentative plan, to steal our files from the records and see if there was anything we could use contained within them, contact information, hell, anything at all. It would be dangerous, because if we were caught, we would be as good as being thrown into a padded cell or solitary for punishment. We elaborated and added details on my sketchy idea, and by the time we left for dinner, we had a full-fledged plan of action.
It was going to be tricky, but we had to do it. Anything at all we could do would be a step towards freedom, towards escape from our torment…an asylum from our Asylum.
~ ~ ~ ~
We ate quickly, without any conversation. We needed to execute our plan when as many people as possible were away from the area around file room. It was located near the administrative office, and during dinnertime it was unlikely that anyone would be there. I was going to go in alone, find as many files on us as I could, sneak them under my shirt, then go to the bathroom.
The other guys were going to be watching the hallway for me while I was in the file room. Then they were going to follow me into the bathroom to get a couple of the files so I wouldn't look like I had gained ten pounds in the shape of a square on my stomach as we walked through the corridors. And it wasn't as though I could just hand over the thick file folders in the middle of the hallway. That just screamed, "CATCH ME!" But if all went well, we would be out in the hollow tree with the files in ten minutes.
We all knew where the file room was, so Trowa and Quatre went first, pretending to be looking for a place to be alone together while they were really making sure that no one was around the door or that area. It was handy to have a known couple in our group, because it wouldn't look suspicious for them to be together in such a manner in a secluded hallway, if you catch my drift. If they didn't come back in five minutes, then the rest of us would go on, too. Wufei and Heero were going to take the corners at one end of the hallway to watch for people coming, and Quatre and Trowa were going to take the other end, since they were already in that area.
I was then to sneak into the file room with the flashlight and get what we needed. If anything went wrong or someone came by, Meiran was to pop in and wave at me, and the guys were supposed to do something distracting. If all went well, however, I was to go to straight to the nearest bathroom and pass a couple files to whoever went in with me under the side of the stalls. We'd have to be careful with that, though, because none of our bathroom stalls have anything more substantial than a shower curtain, if that, on them for privacy. Can't have a psycho locking himself in a stall and trying to conquer the world by jumping up and down in the toilet bowl, now can we? Thus, no stall doors.
Heero, Wufei, Meiran, and I waited nervously for the five minutes to pass after Trowa and Quatre left us. Finally the second hand on the wall clock clicked around to mark the fifth set of sixty clicks, and we left. Wufei and I tried to chat nonchalantly in a lame attempt to act inconspicuous and normal, and that's a lot harder than you can imagine. Our conversation had the intelligence of a plastic grape.
Finally, after what seemed like the longest walk I had ever taken, we reached the beginning of the corridor that the file room was on. I left my friends and nervously padded up the long hallway, my slippered feet sliding quietly on the polished linoleum. I reached the solid door, glanced down both directions of the hallway where my friends were guarding, then turned the knob and went in, thanking the Drones silently for not putting locks on any of the in this place.
When I entered, I let out the breath I had been holding in one soft whoosh. My biggest fear about this whole thing was that someone would be in the file room. Glancing around, I couldn't see the telltale red light of a functioning security camera, which alleviated my other big concern. I hadn't been in here in a few months, and a lot had happened since then. I was afraid there was going to be changes to the room, and those two things were my biggest worry.
I closed the door behind me, pulled my shirt of and stuffed it in the crack at the bottom of the door to stop any light from escaping under it and into the hallway. Then I thumbed on the little flashlight that we normally kept in the hollow tree and shone it around the room.
Peering at the labels on the filing cabinets, I found the ones that contained the confidential information. Just as I expected, it was locked when I tried the drawer for A-E. Smiling wickedly to myself, I tiptoed over to the file secretary's desk, opened the bottom drawer, and fished around for a few seconds, coming up with the key.
One of the benefits of being a good patient is the fact that you sometimes are enlisted to help the office staff in exchange for candy or something equally nice. The file secretary was a sweet old lady, and she thought I was a "nice young man." She trusted me. I felt bad betraying her trust like this, but damnit, I needed into that cabinet.
I slid the key home and opened the cabinet, searching quickly for the files I needed. I noticed that my file was particularly large, and flipping the front open in curiosity, I noticed that there was a related file referenced under my father's name. Sure enough in the "other files" cabinet, there it was. I grabbed that, too. Stuffing the files under my waistband, I flipped of the flashlight and tucked it into my sock. Then I retrieved my shirt from the crack under the door, slipped it on, and tried to conceal the square points of the files as best I could among the folds of the fabric. Finally satisfied, I cracked the door open an inch and peered out.
Seeing no one in the hallway, I opened the door a bit more and glided out, shutting the door quietly behind me. I walked straight to the nearest bathroom, passing Heero and Wufei en route. I glanced behind me, and sure enough, Quatre and Trowa were coming along, too, about fifty steps behind them. Everything was going well. Of course, because I thought that, something was bound to go wrong. It's all my fault for speaking too soon.
I entered the bathroom and almost had a heart attack. There was Alex, combing his hair and peering at his reflection in the shatterproof mirror. Looking at the stalls, I almost had another heart attack, because only one of them had a curtain. Damn. That would mean either Alex would have to leave, or he'd have to be distracted. He looked at me, surprised, then went back to running his little comb through his blond hair.
Without a word I dashed into the curtained stall and stood in front of the toilet, situating my feet to look like I was sitting down. A few seconds later, I heard the door open and two sets of footsteps pad in. Immediately, I heard Wufei yelp.
In the stall beside me, I saw two feet appear, then heard a light knock on the side of the stall.
"Have you no dignity, sir?" I suddenly heard Wufei exclaim. "Must you watch while a man relieves himself? Will you grant him that right, or will you stand there in front of the mirror so you can see him? What kind of sick person wants to watch a person relieve himself?"
I almost giggled when I heard Alex's stuttering response of denial. Then a hand, Heero's, appeared at the bottom of the stall, and I handed him half the files, careful not to let any pages fall out of the folders in the process.
Then I heard Wufei gasp loudly. "You have a spider on your shoulder!"
"What?!" I heard Alex's voice. He sounded panicked. "Get it off me!"
"I shall kill it for you!"
I heard a series of slapping and hitting noises, accompanied by a few "ouches" from Alex. Again, I almost laughed. Finally I heard another light knock on the stall beside me, and Heero's feet walked out the stall as I heard the toilet flush. Flushing my own commode, I parted the shower curtain and followed him out the door, passing by Wufei, who was still smacking Alex around. I felt all devious and smooth, we had pulled off our scheme right in front of the Thug's nose.
We were only out a few moments before Wufei came out the door. As we formed up into a group and made our way outside, I felt the weight of the papers brush and scratch against my stomach as we walked. A solution to our problems might be contained within their precious pages and documents, and we had only limited time to look at them before we had to return them or risk being caught.
~ ~ ~ ~
When we reached the hollow tree and crawled into it, we immediately passed around the files. Everyone one of us had our own, and I had my parents in addition to mine. I opened that one first, peering in the artificial twilight the environmental controls cast into the tree. The first thing on the inside of the folder was a quick physical description of my parents and their names, Solo and Helen Maxwell. Scanning down the page, I smiled at the pictures of my long dead parents, a bittersweet feeling of longing and memory filling my heart.
I skimmed the rest of the way down the page until my gaze landed on the final, bolded line at the bottom of the page. I felt my eyes widen and my heart race as I grabbed the flashlight and shined it on those words to be sure. Horror and sick disbelief, accompanied by a terrible understanding hit me full force as I repeated those two words over and over in my head.
Status: Terminated
My parents had not been in a mere accident.
My parents had been murdered.
~ ~ ~ ~
Next