By: Spooks
~ ~ ~ ~
So, I guess I should tell you a little bit about us. You know, how we got acquainted with each other and our little oddities and such. During the last week of the summer break I was allowed to move my meager possessions to my new larger room. Oh, let me tell you, the best benefit of being moved to a big, shared room is the attached bathroom. Bliss. As for the room, it was actually a rather diminutive space, barely containing its two bunk beds, single bed, two old bureaus, and one small mirror that was glued to the wall. Looks like it wouldn't take much to cover it up. That was a relief. Nothing like waking up at night to find a dream demon peering out from the mirror at you, malevolent purple eyes shining in the darkness.
I immediately took it upon myself to claim the top bunk nearest to the window. Some thoughtful Drone (my all-purpose slang for the vast majority of idiot staff, nurses, and doctors) had put a small shelf up at the bed's level. It was slightly loose and had a convenient little crack in the wall above it. How nice, I remember thinking as I stuffed my ratty school issued plain gray clothing (no pockets, long sleeves, drawstring pants) into a drawer and vaulted up on the bed to have a look.
I remember thinking, 'I'll keep my blades up here.' Oh, yeah, don't give me that. Of course I managed to steal some blades from the infirmary. I've been here long enough that I know the shifts like the back of my hand. For "professionals" the Drones are way too careless. You know what, though? It's funny, someone thought they were being clever with that shelf, and they were really just helping the Darkness keep me a little while longer. Irony. How amusing in a dark sort of way.
So anyway, I ghosted around the room for the rest of the day, wondering when the other occupants were going to get here. In the four years I've been here, I've had extremely bad luck with roommates. One was scared to death of me and tried to bash my skull in with his toothbrush.
The next one was, well, let's just say that my experience with that guy was weird. The Drones would sometimes come for him in the middle of the day, pulling him out of class, out of our room, wherever he happened to be. Guy never said a word to me, but one day I came back to our room and his stuff was gone. It was weird.
The last guy I roomed with I found dead, he had managed to bite his wrists open with his teeth sometime in the middle of the night. What a pleasant sight to wake up to in the morning, huh? At least when I cut I use something nice and sharp. I can't stand sloppy suicides. But you know, the worst part of the whole experience was the tiny scavenger spawnlings tearing at his aura's residual afterglow. Gruesome little beasts gave me the heebie-jeebies, just so damn quiet and so damn creepy at the same time. Ugh. I don't want to think about them right now.
Would these new guys be schizos, splits, paranoids, or, maybe even hallucinators, like me? Yeah, that's back when I thought the demons and visions weren't real. But, hold on, I'll get to that, k? So here I was wondering about the little variety (aka freak) show I would probably soon be witnessing, lying on my bed, and staring out the window.
I believe in multi-tasking my laziness.
After a while I was deep in what some people call environmental withdrawal, and what I call meditation. I was so gone in my thoughts that when the first guy finally walked in, he scared the holy bejeezes out of me. So badly, in fact, that I rolled right of the bunk.
Let me tell you, that hurt like hell. I had a bruise on my side for damn near forever afterwards.
So I'm lying there on the floor, right? I'm clutching my braid in both hands as I tried to recover both my breath and my pride. I had my eyes shut tightly so I wouldn't have to look at the new guy and all I could think was, 'What a wonderful first impression…'
~ ~ ~ ~
"Uh, hi. Are you okay?"
I slowly creaked open an eye to look up at the three blond guys standing above me. They were looking at me and sorta blending together…Oops, wait, scratch that, I was just dizzy. Standing over me was a boy about my age with light blond hair, sea colored eyes, and a worried look on his pale face. He had a bag over his shoulder and was wearing brand new issued clothes, the long sleeved version.
"Um, yeah, I guess," I managed to say as he helped me up from the floor. "You gonna be in this room?"
"Yeah," the guy replied quietly, glancing down at his feet, fiddling with the tail of his shirt, and biting his lip. Evidently he believed in multitasking his nervousness.
"Let me guess, you're new to this aren't you?" I grinned cheerfully and clapped him lightly on the back. He nodded and didn't say anything else, so I led him to the barred window and gestured around wildly with my arms for show, "I'm Duo Maxwell! I've been here for years, so I'm sure that whatever reason you're here for is something that I've either seen, heard, or even experienced before. And if it isn't, well, spill, because I'm nosy as hell and will find out eventually."
He smiled sadly and raised his gaze to mine. His aquamarine stare was intense and deep, and I could immediately tell there was more to this guy than any mind-numbing madness or simple psychosis. "I'm Quatre Winner. Thanks for being nice to me." He looked around shyly at the rest of the meager room. "Do I get to pick which bed I get?"
"Sure, Quatre, feel free to. I already did," I bounded up and landed on my bunk. "Hey, why don't you take the other top bunk? That way if the other guys who show up suck, then we can be confident that we will always end up on top. Oh, God! That was a terrible, simply awful pun, wasn't it?" I groaned loudly and hopped back down to the floor with a light thud.
Quatre just laughed softly and tossed his bag up onto the other top bunk. "Sounds alright to me. We'll always have friends in high places," He quirked a small grin at me and I burst out laughing. Looks like we'd get along just fine. I couldn't believe my good fortune. I just hoped that he wouldn't think I was a total freak when he found out my Problems.
~ ~ ~ ~
Lights out found Quatre and I laying in our respective bunks and talking quietly. We had spent the rest of the day getting to know each other, exchanging little stories and small tidbits of personal information, but nothing involving our Problems. It's kind of an unspoken type deal, definitely a trust issue. We had both been feeling each other out to see if we could talk about those important things that we crazies love to talk about. Like whether I would blab his Problems or whether I'd report to the Drones. Vice versa with him, I suppose. Last person I tried to be friends ratted me out to the psyches. Fuckin' bitch.
As I was saying, though, we were laying there, talking in the darkness to each other about this and that. Throughout our conversations earlier I had learned that Quatre was from a very large, very wealthy family. Evidently he was considered a disgrace, so he was sent away to our lovely little special school for crazy kids to get better. He was understandably bitter about this, and it was plain to see. I had a feeling that there was more to the situation than he let on, but I was willing to wait until he was ready to tell me for himself. Even though he didn't come right out and say it, I know the signs of depression when I see them. I already suspected that funny, smart, rich Quatre had the despair in the worst way.
After a while we both fell silent, and for a few minutes I thought Quatre had fallen asleep. Suddenly, however, his soft voice cut through the gloom. "Duo, I don't mean to pry, but why are you here? You seem to be totally normal to me…" His voice trailed off as though he was unsure of himself.
I didn't say anything. Maybe he would think I was asleep.
"Duo? I know you're awake. I can feel your consciousness."
What the hell?
I could hear him shift under the light covers of his bed. "I know I haven't told you why I'm here, so I guess to earn the right to here your reason, I should tell you mine," Quatre paused, and I could hear him take a deep breath and hold it for a few long moments before continuing. "See, the thing is, I have depression. I've tried to…to…go away so many times…" his voice cracked and he swallowed hard before going on. "Ones of the reasons I have it is because I sometimes can tap into other people, well, their pain, their minds, their hearts, their emotions. But no one believes me! So I'm treated like a freak. Heck, I am a freak!" His voice echoed softly in the still room, but his last words were bit out harshly in a tone of terrible self-loathing.
I thought about that for a second. "Well, Q, I don't think you're a freak. You seem like a nice guy to me," I paused and gathered my thoughts. "I'm not going to judge you, mainly because I already consider you a friend and that would be wrong anyway. As a fellow victim of depression, I know how it badly it hurts. I'm truly sorry that you are going through it. As for the other thing, well, to tell you the truth, I need to roll that around in my head a little while. But no, I'm you friend and I won't hold anything you say about your problems against you." Wow, looking back on that, I realize how sentimental I sounded.
"A--a friend?" Quatre's sorrowful voice came softly as he sat up in his bed, dangling his feet off the side to swing in the gloom.
I sat up too. Why the hell not, it wasn't like we really needed to sleep anyway. No rest for the weary. "Yeah, is that okay?"
In the pale moonlight peeking in through our window, I could just make out Quatre's little smile of wonder in the darkness. "Yes, thank you," he responded in a voice choked with sincerity. "I've never had a friend before." I didn't doubt his words for a second.
I toyed with the end of my braid absently. Maybe I could tell him, maybe if he felt other people's emotions like he said, then maybe he would know I wasn't fucking with him. Most people think I'm lying or looking for attention, trying to justify the pain or something stupid like that.
I am many things, but I am not a liar.
So I took a deep breath, and I told him about myself. I told him about the things and creatures that I saw, the demons that silently cried and jumped on me and tormented me. I told him about my bouts with depression, the big suicide attempt (a rope made out of socks, I thought it was creative), and I even told him about my dirty little secret about why I always wore long sleeves.
That last part was a huge leap of faith, the cutting was still my little private thing, my little method of having some sort of aspect of control in my life. I finally stopped, not believing that I had told him all the things that I had, and not completely aware that I was sobbing with relief and fear over how he'd take it. I had bared my soul and it would either be the cement or the ruin of our tentative new friendship.
I'm telling you, there is nothing like sharing with a fellow sufferer, someone who can truly understand what it's like to be tormented by your thoughts. One of the side effects of my depression is an intense desire to help those that I know are going through the same hell that I go through every day. It helps me not feel so helpless. And there was something about Quatre, something about his demeanor and his personality that drew me to him. I felt an immediate bond with him, an uncanny sense of family that I had never experienced since my real family died. It was like we were long lost brothers or something.
It felt good not to be alone.
After I finished spilling out my Problems, Quatre hopped lightly down from his bunk and climbed up to sit next to me on mine. Wordlessly, he hugged me tightly, his thin arms encircling my quaking form as I sobbed onto his shoulder. After a few minutes of rocking quietly, I noticed that he was crying softly too. I could hardly believe it, I hadn't cried in years.
Eventually we broke our embrace and just looked at each other in the darkness, wiping our eyes and noses on our sleeves and laughing in quiet relief. In the pale shining moonlight, I took the final step that would show just how much trust I had put in my new friend. I rolled up my sleeves.
The tiny, faded scars crisscrossed my wrists like a macabre roadmap, very faint in the dim light. Quatre stared at them for a long few seconds before he gently took one of my arms in his hands. He lightly traced one of the larger, jagged scars with his index finger. I whimpered, feeling extremely vulnerable as he bore witness to my mutilations.
Wordlessly, Quatre rolled up his own sleeves and held his arms out for me to see.
They matched mine.
Oh, God.
He turned his misery-laden eyes up to mine and smiled ruefully. We sat there, just talking, for hours and hours about the Pain, how it felt when the world just started to get darker and darker and the sky came tumbling down. How it felt when your heart started racing and all you wanted to do was scream until your throat bled. How it felt when the Pain in your heart was so bad that you just wanted to just stop breathing.
Even though we didn't get any real rest that night, the next morning I felt more refreshed and alive than I had in years. It's amazing what a little understanding and friendship can do for a soul.
Quatre understood and believed me. I understood and believed Quatre.
It was a revelation.
~ ~ ~ ~
Late the next afternoon, after a day chock full of showing Quatre around some more and basically doing nothing important at all, our next roomie showed up. I swear, even though the new guy was quieter than a shadow in a pitch-black room, I could've known he was coming a mile away. Evidently Quatre picked up on him too, because both of us looked up at each other at the same moment.
It was uncanny how quickly we had come to trust each other and each other's so-called delusion. Looking back on it, I can't believe we didn't realize that too much of our stories lined up logically for it all to be mere psychosis, or even group dementia. Of course, hindsight is always twenty-twenty, ne?
Like I said, though, I could sense the guy coming the second he entered the grounds. Immediately a few shadows coalesced into shapes and started laughing silently at me. Damn little buggers never made a noise, not now or ever. Annoying. Anyway, besides the shadowlings showing up and bothering me, I could also sense the new guy's aura. It was powerful, and something inside me told me that the new presence I felt was definitely one of my new roommates. Call it instinct, call it insanity, but I don't care what you think. I just knew.
Later Quatre would tell me that his empathic senses had felt a profoundly heavy presence entering the vicinity. He didn't know who it was, just that something about the person would somehow be very important in the future. It was strange, he said, but he knew the same as I did, that this person would affect his life.
Well, enough with the damn melodramatics, before I knew it our door was opened. A Chinese guy about my age with shoulder length hair, little glasses, and a serious look on his face was lead into the room by a Drone. He also had a companion soul riding on his back, along with a few angry red rage demons circling his head, silently spewing fire from their tiny little sharp snouts. No wonder I had felt him coming. Jeez, poor guy.
"Wufei, this is your room. These boys are Duo and Quatre, they'll show you around," the Drone said her speech in an efficient monotone as though she'd said it a thousand times before. She probably had. "Classes will start Monday, make yourself at home." Without another word she turned on her sharp white heels and clicked out the room, closing the door with a quick, efficient not-quite slam.
All three of us just stared dumbly at the closed door for a few seconds. Blinking away the mild shock and filtering out the peripherals the guy was lugging around, I decided to break the ice. I hopped down from my perch up on my bed and walked over to our new roommate.
"Hi, how ya doing? I hope your introduction into our humble asylum wasn't too harsh," I grinned at the newcomer. "By the way, I'm Duo Maxwell, this is Quatre Winner. Hope you're not an asshole or anything, and I hope you don't think we are either."
Quatre rolled his eyes at that and smiled at the new guy. "Hi. Did the nurse say your name was Wufei?"
"Yes, my name is Chang Wufei," the new guy, Wufei, responded solemnly, nodding his head slightly.
"Chang Wufei, huh? Is your last name first?" I asked, curious.
"Yes, it is," he responded, face still set in to a well-practiced blank.
"Oh. Cool," I said, genuinely thinking that was pretty interesting. "Well, Wufei, pick a bed, or one that's left, anyway. We'll help you put your stuff away, and then we can give you the grand tour. Or, well, the tour of where in this pit we're allowed to go."
"Alright," he responded, finally allowing a small smile grace his features. For a second I lost control of my talent and I saw the companion soul appear to cry silently, futilely trying to hug the serious Asian boy. He tensed up for a second, seemingly in response, even though I knew that to be impossible. Hm. This guy was going to be interesting.
~ ~ ~ ~
After Wufei had stowed his brand new issued clothes away in an ungodly tidy fashion in the bureau and claimed the single bed, it was time for dinner. I, of course, was overjoyed at this prospect. During the summer here, we loonies only have meals and TV time to look forward to. And since I'm not a huge fan of the idiot box, I usually spend most of my time in my room, day dreaming, sketching, or sometimes I even sneak into the places we patients aren't supposed to go. Would you believe that the Bryce School for Youths with Special Needs is so damn old that it is made of wood? Yeah, shock, horror, and total coolness, it had secret passages too. I don't think anyone else knew about them either. 'Course, very few people, even Drones, ever stayed here for four years. Usually people "graduated" or were sent to the all-out loony bin (like that toothbrush assassin I mentioned earlier).
On a side note, wouldn't it be fun to live in a padded room? Just think about it, you could run around and never worry about stubbing your toe. You could run full-steam into the wall and just bounce right off.
On second thought, maybe I am crazy. Crazy, but not insane, you understand. There is quite a large difference. And yes, I'm grinning like a true lunatic as I write this.
Anyway, before I go totally and completely off on a tangent, we went to dinner, with me bravely leading the way to the cafeteria. Our fancy cafeteria, for all it's new renovations from this summer, and despite the fresh layers of paint and new tables, smelled like ass. I don't know why, 'tis a great mystery of humankind. Despite the decidedly unappetizing aroma lingering in the air, however, my appetite was undeterred. Mainly that was because the cooks here are simply put, awesome.
Quatre, who had only had one dinner, one breakfast, and one lunch here, already had managed to filter out the terrible smell and, like me, was trailing a determined path straight for the tray line. Glancing over to gauge Wufei's reaction to our glorious, new, shiny, stinky as hell dining accommodations, I saw that the dark eyed boy had stopped at the door and was looking downright horrified. Rolling my eyes, I jogged back to him and dragged him with me to the food line.
"Maxwell, this place reeks!" He said, looking aghast. "How can you eat in such a foul place?"
Raising an eyebrow, I handed him a tray. "Like we have a choice. Listen, man, the food is damn good here. No one knows why this place smells so bad, but that's the beauty of it. The Administration knows too. Therefore, we're allowed to get our food and take it either outside to eat or we can sit in one of the designated lounge areas."
Quatre turned around. "Yeah, just don't breath through your nose. The food is really quite good." He smiled widely at Wufei, who just looked back and forth between us with a slightly disbelieving expression.
"It better be damn good," he replied, smirking slightly.
Three trays and three platters of food later, we left the ass-tastic cafeteria in search of less odorous dining areas. Wufei and Quatre just followed me, since I was the only person who had been in this place more than twenty-four hours. I eventually brought us to an empty, half-darkened corridor near the meager library. Setting my tray down on the floor carefully, I plopped down on the shiny linoleum, sitting cross-legged and leaning my back against the wall. My two companions soon joined me, and we sat there, munching our respective dinners in silence.
After a few minutes of quiet dining, I started to pick up on a nagging sensation coming from Wufei's direction. Pretending to be drinking, I glanced over at him, allowing anything that I could possibly see come into focus. The companion soul I had glimpsed earlier was more discernable now, and I could make out that it was a girl. She was floating in the air beside Wufei, swatting at the rage demons that were jousting about his head. Ever so often she would stop and place a soft hand on his shoulder. I noticed that every time she touched him, a slight tensing sensation would pass over Wufei's serious face.
I continued to eat and glanced over at Quatre, well, just because. He was also focused on Wufei, but his eyes were half-closed in concentration. As I looked over at him, though, his bright aqua eyes sparked completely open, and I could plainly read the concern in his gaze. Silently we exchanged a silent conversation with only our eyes and subtle facial expressions. Coming to a mutual decision, we nodded.
Quatre smiled gently in Wufei's direction as I discretely cleared my throat. Wufei looked up at me, onyx eyes glittering in query. "Wufei, who is she?" I asked softly, nodding in the direction of the companion soul.
Unadulterated, poorly concealed shock flooded Wufei's noble features as the boy tried not to react to my softly spoken question. His gaze, however, wandered in the direction of the soul, who was shimmering with pleasure at being noticed.
"Pardon?" The Chinese boy finally managed to squeak out, his pensive gaze darting from Quatre's smile, to my serious expression, and to the soul's presence floating before him.
"You have a presence with you, don't you?" Quatre spoke up, questioning shyly. "I can feel her, she's hovering right beside you, plain as day."
All the tension suddenly drained from Wufei's posture and expression. "You know she's there? How could you possibly tell? I'm the only one that can see her. Please," he paused, a note of hope in his voice bordering on desperate pleading, "Tell me how."
"For starters, I can see her too," I responded, a grin cracking my serious expression as I waved at Wufei's companion. She shimmered and waved back, sending me a smile. She also mouthed something at me, but as always, all I ever pick up is sight, not sound.
"Please, describe how she appears to you," Wufei asked, obviously struggling with this concept.
"Shoulder length, dark hair, dark eyes, wearing a light blue robe with what looks like a dragon on the shoulder, shimmering at the moment, and she kept touching your shoulder as you were eating," I rattled off, raising my eyebrows.
Wufei's jaw about hit the floor. If the situation weren't so serious then it would have been pretty funny. He shook his head back and forth a few times, his hair lightly brushing his shoulders from the movement. For a few seconds he sat in stunned silence, burying his face in his hands. Finally composing himself somewhat, he raised his head and stared intensely first at Quatre, then at me.
"I can tell you are telling the truth, that's something else I do. I apologize for my skepticism, but I had to be sure that your sincerity wasn't based on a mere hallucination," he spoke carefully, obviously choosing his words in an attempt not to show too much emotion. "And since she died, I thought I was insane because I keep seeing her, speaking with her. I suppose that I'm not crazy if you two can pick up on her presence, too."
He took a deep breath before continuing, finally his façade breaking completely as a huge grin spread across his features, lighting his up face. "Wow, what an unbelievably huge relief!" Now floating beside him, the girl lightly smacked him on the side of the head and mouthed to him. Since I was now considered a friendly entity, I suppose, she was allowing herself to become more and more clear to me.
Wufei grinned at her and said, "Hold on, I'm sorry! I'll tell them." He turned his attention back to us, "By the way, her name is Meiran, and she was--" he paused as the girl smacked him lightly again, "--er, is my wife. She says hello, and wants to know, as do I, why you guys are here. I mean, hell, if you can see spirits and sense things and whatever, why are you here?"
"Well, actually, I see more than just spirits. I usually see demons, just like the little rage ones that happen to be circling your head at the moment," I looked at the little assholes waving their tiny little fists at me. "Sometimes I can see auras, too. But, well, I've learned how to basically filter out most of the stuff. Up until right now, though, I gotta tell you, I wasn't completely convinced that I wasn't just really insane."
Quatre laughed lightly. "Well, actually, having this little experience happen convinced me that what I pick up is real. Wufei, I can sense emotions, like empathy. I know what you mean, Duo. It's one thing to think that what you see or feel or whatever is real, it's a whole different ball game when you've got some sort of proof." The blond smiled brightly at us, taking a deep breath and stretching his arms above his head.
"Well, I can certainly relate to that," Wufei responded. "Damn. And here I thought I was just cuckoo."
I grinned and playfully punched his arm. "Well, you can be crazy all you want, but you're not insane. None of us are! Wow, I am soooo glad I met you guys." Meiran raised an eyebrow at me. "And girl, er, spirit, too." Imagine, talking to a ghost.
"Have you seen anyone besides Meiran?" Quatre asked Wufei. What a novel question, I remember thinking.
"No, but I never really had that much of an opportunity. After we were in the accident that claimed her life, my clan basically kept me away from the world when I started talking about Meiran again. Eventually they sent me to an intense therapy camp to try and cure me," Wufei shrugged his slender shoulders. Meiran rolled her eyes. "I guess they gave up on me, and that's why I'm here." Meiran leaned forward and mouthed something at Wufei. "Oh, and Meiran wants me to tell you that I also have a very bad temper. Which I do not!" He stuck his tongue out at the spirit and she laughed, silently sending off little peals of light, some of which dispelled a couple of the rage demons.
Glancing up at a wire-encased wall clock, I realized that dinnertime was over and we probably needed to get our empty trays and plates back to the cafeteria. Otherwise we might get reprimanded. That was never good because the Drones usually thought that acting up was a symptom of a new complex. Which meant new psych sessions. Which meant more pills. Which meant basically no fun at all.
"I hate to break up our conversation, but let's finish this talk back in our room. We might get in trouble if we don't get back soon," I said, standing up and picking up my tray.
The others agreed and we made our way back to the smelly cafeteria. I made Quatre lead the way, so he'd get a feel for navigating around this dump without my help. Of course, I had to stop us several times from walking into broom closets.
~ ~ ~ ~
Several wrong turns and much confusion later, we were safely back in our room. After Wufei's admission and our little conversation, he had loosened up a whole hell of a lot. He was no longer tensing up when Meiran touched his shoulder or whatever, and he wasn't completely closed faced either. As for Quatre and I, well, I can't speak for blondie, but I felt a ton better than I had before. Even though Quatre and I had spoken so candidly the night before about what we experienced and our supposed ailments, it was just wonderful to have someone basically confirm that we weren't just seeing things or making shit up. I suspect that Wufei felt the same way.
We all knew that we had more to discuss, but by unspoken decision we didn't talk about those things until we had made it back to the haven of our room. The walls have ears, you know. Even back in the room, we didn't discuss anything until we were all showered and basically ready for bed. Ever the polite young spirit, Meiran popped out for a few minutes while we changed.
Hey, give me a break here, I'm allowed to be modest, aren't I?
Anyway, we settled into a small circle on the lower bunk underneath Quatre's bed. And before you ask, yes, we left a spot for Meiran to occupy. To the casual observer it would appear we were sitting in a triangle, I guess.
Once we were seated, the three of us, four if you count Meiran's soul (although Quatre couldn't really see her), we just sort of looked at each other. As if on cue, we all burst out laughing. I can vaguely remember clutching my stomach and resting my head on Wufei's shoulder, trying to figure out why the hell we were laughing. I suppose it was years of doubt and pent-up feelings of loneliness we were laughing out of our systems. Bah, whatever.
It was odd that the three of us, or four, I suppose, had so quickly bonded. I felt like I had known Quatre and Wufei all of my life, like we were brothers. The connection was like nothing I had ever felt with anyone before, and I was reasonably sure that my two living compatriots felt the same.
After we finally got a hold of ourselves, we stayed up talking about our Problems, besides the ones that we had just discovered weren't just hallucinations. Quatre rolled up his sleeves, as did I. Wufei told us about how his parents had shunned him for his so-called insanity and how much it hurt when those he loved most wouldn't believe him. We also discussed what I saw and what it could all mean.
Then Quatre spoke of his father's intense disappointment in him, how most of his family treated him like a weak little disturbed child. Somehow it came up that his father also disapproved of him for another "sickness." Quatre was bisexual. After this admission, he immediately closed up and withdrew into his shell, looking for the entire world like he was afraid of our reactions. Which I guess he was.
Now that was a little bit of a bombshell in and of itself. Sure, I had met a couple homosexuals in the past, but I had never actually talked in depth to one of them. Wufei was only mildly surprised, and he was completely okay with it. He would later tell me that he had suspected it from the first time he clapped eyes on the blond boy. I, however, was taken completely by surprise, it wasn't really that big of a deal. Personally, I haven't really had the opportunity to have any, ahem, experience in those types of matters at all. Reasonably speaking, I had never really thought too much about it before. One doesn't exactly have a lot of romantic possibilities when one goes through puberty in an asylum/boarding school.
Man, you should have seen Quatre's face when we told him we didn't care about his preferences. I remember telling him that he'd still be the same friend no matter what, which was extremely sappy of me.
Eventually, we got tired and decided to go to sleep, so I covered up the mirror. We then climbed into our respective beds and made valiant efforts to fall asleep without snoring or sounding too undignified.
Just before I fell asleep I leaned my head off the side of the bed to glance down at Wufei. He was fast asleep already, all curled into a tight little ball under the covers. Meiran's spirit was curled around him, snuggling the covers against his back. Now that was just too damn cute.
Despite my happiness for my new friends (and the tragic little pang at them being separated), I couldn't help wishing that I had someone of my own. Of course, I'd probably never get that opportunity, stuck in this pit. 'Course, I never really thought about it before. Argh. Nothing like being forced to realize that you're lonely as hell. At least I had friends now, and for a while I knew that that would make me content. But still…oh well, maybe Quatre could find someone here, he deserves it. With his preferences, maybe he'd have a chance.
Yawning sleepily, I rolled over and stared out the half-curtained window. I felt better than I had in years of therapy and sessions, but I still felt so empty. Sighing, I finally fell into a nightmarish sleep.
~ ~ ~ ~
The next morning I felt like someone had dragged me around by the braid and then poured sand under my eyelids. I always feel like that when I wake up. Ugh. I hate mornings so very, very much.
Wufei and Quatre were already up and dressed, sitting on Wufei's bed talking quietly when I half hopped, well, half fell off my bunk. Looking at their amused faces, I scowled and went to the bathroom to wash my face, rebraid my hair, and change into some decent clothes. My knees popped loudly when I crouched down to retrieve my clothes from my drawer. Ouch. Damn mornings. As I walked by the mirror I removed the cloth draped over it.
A few minutes later, I emerged from the bathroom as a human being instead of a morning fuzzy moron. Flashing a grin at the guys, I said, "Okay, now that I'm awake, I'm starving. Let's go eat, mmmkay?"
So we did. Breakfast was uneventful, besides the wonderfully fluffy biscuits. Yummy were they. Anyhow, after eating we had nothing too terribly compelling to do, so we returned to the room to hang out. Might as well enjoy the last few days before classes started, ya know?
Wufei was the first to enter the room, since I made him lead the way back this morning. Quatre was next, and I brought up the rear. Well, when Wufei entered the room and saw the guy sitting on the lower bunk of Quatre's bed, he came to a skidding halt, Meiran's spirit hanging slightly to the side. Quatre wasn't paying attention and walked right into Wufei, and I, being the ever-observant person I am, didn't notice and walked right into Quatre. Okay, so another roommate had shown up. I felt immediate hope rise in my chest. So far we were batting a thousand on the roommate deal, maybe this guy would be cool, too.
So basically the three of us were piled on top of each other, gaping at the new guy who was sitting calmly on the bunk with his small duffel bag. He was wearing an older set of issued clothing, but not as ratty as mine by any stretch of the imagination. Seeing us standing there he just nodded his head in a silent gesture of hello.
Untangling ourselves from each other, Quatre was the first to speak. "Hi, are you going to be rooming with us?" Glancing over at my blond friend, I noticed he was smiling brilliantly at the new guy. How cute.
The brown haired boy stood up, and I immediately noticed he was taller than the rest of us. "Yes," he answered quietly. His eyes flickered around for a few seconds and then glazing over. After a few more seconds he nodded slightly. Weird.
"Well, uh, hi, and stuff," I said, leaning on Wufei's shoulder. "I'm Duo, this is Wufei, and that's Quatre," I paused for a second, "So, what's your name?"
The boy blinked at me for a moment from his spot by the bureau, where he was carefully putting his clothing. "My name is Trowa Barton," he responded after a few silent moments, he then turned back to the task at hand, basically retreating back into his own little world.
Wufei and I exchanged a glance. That was odd, it was like the guy wasn't all there or something. Which, considering our surroundings, wouldn't have been too farfetched. I couldn't help thinking there might have been more to it. Exchanging glances with the other two, I could tell they felt like something was slightly off, too.
So I did the only thing I could think to do. Tuning into my other senses, I let my filters drop. Meiran immediately came into clearer view, as did the few rage demons still circling Wufei's head. And with my vision fully turned on, I could suddenly see the hundreds of tiny worry demons surrounding Trowa. Holy shit, I had never seen anything like this before. They were literally clustered around him, constantly poking at him with little bitty swords, flying around madly, swarming especially around the sides of his head.
Eyes wide, I noticed that when the little spawn were mouthing things, Trowa's eyes would go slightly out of focus. Ever so often, he would stop in his quiet actions, as though…well, as though he could hear them. No way!
Curiosity got the better of me, and before I knew it I had crossed the room and was laying my hand on Trowa's shoulder. He looked up at me, not startled, just surprised that I was touching him, I guess.
"Yes?"
"Trowa, can I ask you an important question?" I asked, and I'm sure my eyes were as wide as frickin' saucers.
"You may ask, but I might not answer," he replied, emerald eyes flickering in quiet amusement.
"Can you hear them?"
The eye that wasn't obscured by his long bang widened considerably. "What?!" Shock rippled through his voice in a subtle wave.
"It's like this. I can see them, but I can't hear them. Can you?" I asked, staring deep into his eyes, searching them for an answer.
Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Wufei looking rather astonished, and Quatre was smiling widely, one hand ghosting up to cover his heart with his right hand.
Trowa blinked and took a deep breath, glancing at the other guys, then back at me. "Yes, I hear them. You really do see them?" His voice was calm, but it carried a slight undertone of hope.
"Yes, I do. And," I guided the taller boy to Wufei and Quatre, "That means none of us are crazy, doesn't it?"
Meiran smiled, floating from Wufei's side and over in front of Trowa. She mouthed something at him. Well, evidently she said something, because his eyes got that glazed over look again and he nodded his head.
"Meiran says that you should believe it, Wufei," Trowa said, a slight smirk only hinted on his face.
Wufei's eyes widened. "Well, I do now."
"Well, it seems that the three of you share some sort of understanding. Would you share it with me?" Trowa asked.
"Sure!" Quatre positively chirped. "Wow, you know, this only cements the fact that none of us is crazy. See, Trowa," he paused long enough to pull the tall boy over to sit on the lower bunk of one of the beds. Wufei and I followed.
Quatre continued when we were all seated, "The rest of us just assumed we really were crazy and that the things we saw or felt weren't real. But meeting each other, we've found out that they are real, and therefore, we aren't insane. Which is very good." He smiled at Trowa, and to my surprise he actually smiled back.
"Well, I must say, it's quite a relief," the tall boy said, running a hand through his hair carefully. "The psychiatrists said the voices were just fabrications of my subconscious mind, and when the voices wouldn't go away, well, they decided to send me here."
"This isn't the first place you've been, right?" I asked, looking critically at his slightly worn issued clothing.
"No, this place was the last resort for my sister. She's the one that's paying for all this," Trowa smiled sadly. "A waste of money, now, I guess."
So the four of us sat there talking, basically catching Trowa up on what the rest of us had talked about. The more I talked about the Problems, the better I felt. It was ten times better than any stupid fucking group sessions or one-on-ones with a Head Drone. Maybe it was because these people actually cared, or maybe it was because we shared a common thread. Looking back, I think it was a combination of the two. After all, we were all indefinitely stuck here, forced to stay until we denied the truth about our abilities and ourselves. And I know you're sitting there thinking, "Oh, just fake it!" Well let me tell you something, buddy, those damn Drones run so many tests once you get to this level that you'd have to be a genius to beat 'em.
Besides, where would we go? Would Wufei go back to his family, and what if they forced him to remarry? And even if they didn't make him do that, then how would it feel to spend the rest of your life with everyone remembering your "crazy days" and just constantly waiting for you to slip? Living with a black mark over your head for the rest of your days? It would be especially bad if you knew you never were insane to begin with. My God, that would suck so much ass. And that counted for Trowa and Quatre, too. It's much easier in here in some aspects.
As for myself, well, I have no where else to go. No orphanage wants some kid from an insane asylum. Yeah, sure, I'd fit right in. If only my parents hadn't been killed. You see, they were working for the government and had some sort of "mysterious accident." So because of the government's fuck up, I became an orphan. At least the bastard bureaucrats paid for my fees here, otherwise I'd never be able to afford them. I'd probably be either dead or stuck in a rubber room playing with my own feces. Gross.
Later on, though, we'd be trying everything under the sun to get away from the hell that would be happening to us in this place.
Oh, sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself again.
Anyway, we spent the last couple of days before classes would start touring around the grounds, picking up schedules, and getting to know each other. In a few short days the bond between us grew exponentially stronger. I truly felt like I had found the family that I hadn't known since the accident.
Oh, and let me tell you! Turns out that Trowa shared Quatre's preference. Heheheehe….they are so damn cute, trying not to be too obvious without flirting outright. Of course, Wufei and I tease them mercilessly. It's just too easy.
Two days before we were to start classes, the bunk underneath mine was still empty. Wufei said if the final guy didn't show up by the second day of classes, he wanted to take the bunk and get his bed moved out of the room, which would give us a hell of a lot more space.
Looking forward to having the room less cramped, and not believing that the last roommate could possibly be as great as the other three, I started to hope that the guy would never show up at all. We had the perfect little family, and I didn't see how anyone else could come in and fit in with us. Not to sound snobby, but we had grown tight. It wouldn't be pleasant for him, and it could be awkward for us.
Quatre, on the other hand, had the definite opinion that the more, the merrier. He was eagerly anticipating the final roomie, so I just shut up and let him be happy. He needed to be happy.
Someone in heaven must have been listening to the blond boy's prayers, because the morning before we had to start classes (the last morning we had to sleep in), we were woken by a loud knock on our door.
At 6 in the fuckin' morning.
~ ~ ~ ~
So anyway, we were woken up at six a.m. to a loud knock at the door. Before anyone could get up and answer it, the door creaked open, courtesy of the early morning Drone patrol. Sitting up, my bangs pasted to my forehead, I pried one of my eyes open to take a gander at the new arrival.
To my complete and utter early morning dismay, the first person to enter the room wasn't our new roomie. Instead it was a Drone. Assistant to the head nurse herself, it was Nurse Peacecraft. Joy, really. See, Nurse Peacecraft was the type that genuinely wanted to help people, and I think she genuinely cared, but at the same time she was just so damn condescending. Like we were dogs to be groomed and cared for instead of human beings. Of course, that's just my take on it.
Alright, so in walked Peacecraft, followed by my personal favorite Drone, Nurse Catalonia (or Dorothy, whatever worked for you), and lo and behold, she's half dragging someone into our room. That is so Dorothy. Damn, she's cool. I mean, she doesn't take shit from anyone, and she treats us patients like people, not cattle. Sure, she understands we're supposed to be loony, but she's always straight with us, a real take-no-prisoners-bad-ass with a dose of compassion (although, admittedly, you usually have to search for it). Some people hate her, I think she's damn hilarious. One of the few Drones I actually respect. And that in and of itself should say a lot.
So, anyway. Here comes Dorothy, dragging a thin, sullen boy behind her. He was glaring at her with steely dark blue eyes under an unruly mop of dark hair, and he was somehow managing to sneer without changing the stoic expression on his face. As soon as he was in the room, he shook Dorothy's arm off and crossed his arms, eyes darting everywhere. I was reminded of a machine, the way he was taking everything in, as though he was storing it all away for later use.
Dorothy brushed her hands off on her white uniform skirt and glared at the new guy. She looked grumpy, like she hadn't had her morning coffee yet. Trying to come to some semblance of normalcy, I blinked the sleep out of my eyes and sat up to greet the new guy. Oi, sometimes it sucks to be friendly. Especially at SIX IN THE FUCKING MORNING! Er, sorry.
So I stumbled down from my bunk and checked on the status of the other guys. Trowa was peeking one sleepy emerald eye out of a small hole he had made under his gigantic pile of blankets. I don't know how that guy kept from spontaneously combusting, he slept with so many covers. Of course, if my hair was as freaky as his, I'd probably want to hide my morning hair too. Quatre was sitting up, his blond hair sticking up in funny places, his pillow clutched to him like a legless, armless, headless teddy bear. He smiled at me, blinking in that fuzzy way only possibly at 6 a.m. Wufei had propped up on his elbows, his hair hanging in his face. He was also fumbling around for his glasses. He couldn’t see a damn thing without them.
Noticing I was the only one coherent enough to be of any use, I waved and yawned in the new arrival's general direction. "Hi, welcome to the room, top two drawers are free, the only bed left is the one under mine. I'd say more but I'm sleepy and want to go back to bed. Good night," I mumbled in a muffled version of my normal voice. There's nothing like morning voice, you know, the way your mouth and tongue don't really work together to form sentences and words correctly. It's like your mouth wakes up ten minutes after the rest of you. Of course, I wasn't too concerned about my morning voice at the moment. I was basically thanking the Lord that I didn't have morning wood. Now that would have made a really wonderful first impression.
I can see it now. 'Hi, Duo Maxwell, nice to meet you. Sorry about the boner.'
Right, that would have went over really well.
But before I could hop back in bed, Dorothy caught my eye and nodded towards the hallway. Great. She wanted to talk to me.
So I followed her and Nurse Peacecraft out into the hallway, shutting the door behind me. I yawned and stretched my arms, managing to pop my back in the process. Ah, that felt nice. I looked at the two nurses expectantly.
"Duo, there is a few things you and your roommates need to know about the guy we just brought in," Dorothy said in her usual no nonsense voice. "His name is Heero Yuy. Plain and simple, the guy is a paranoid schizophrenic. The psyches think he was abused as a child, he never talks, and he thinks that some great conspiracy is out to get him or something to that effect." She finished briskly, folding her arms over her chest.
"Okay, that's nice. So what else?" I replied, attempting (unsuccessfully) to stifle another yawn. Well, at least we could talk freely around Heero. You can tell a paranoid just about anything, because they are to damn paranoid to tell anyone else. It's beautiful.
"Well, Mr. Maxwell," Nurse Peacecraft broke in, much to Dorothy's supreme annoyance. "They placed him with you and your roommates because they thought you'd have a chance at helping him come out of his shell. See if you can get him to talk, at least."
"So, you're basically assigning one so-called insane person to help another insane person? Talk about the blind leading the blind," I said skeptically. What the hell was up with that? Couldn't the psyches do their own damn dirty work?
"Of, for God's sakes, Duo," Dorothy rolled her eyes at me. "You're no more insane than I am and you know it. Anyway, what you basically need to do is humor him a little bit on the paranoia stuff, but not to the extreme. Do not deny his paranoia, because that will make you an enemy in his eyes, and that would not be a good idea."
"What, is he dangerous or something?" I didn't want some lunatic to attack me with a toothbrush again, you understand. Once was quite enough, thank you very much.
"He might be," Nurse Peacecraft said, chewing on her lower lip.
"Well, so am I if I don't have my morning cigarette!" Dorothy exclaimed before turning to me again. "Look, we're not asking much, just help him out a little, okay?"
I nodded. "Sure, I guess I can do that. Any reason why you had to bring him in at 6 in the morning?"
"Well…" Dorothy grinned. "He didn't want to move in with full daylight. It's part of his paranoia." She checked her watch. "Well, that's all, and it's time for my coffee and cigarette. Oh, and maybe a donut later. Yum. Have a good morning, Duo. Hope you can get back to sleep." With that she waved, pulling Nurse Peacecraft down the hall in the direction of the nurses' station.
Watching them go down the hall for a second, I raked my fingers through my bangs. Well, at least this Heero would be…interesting. He was pretty damn cute, at any rate. Oh, oops, did I write that? Hehe.
Then I remembered that it was way too early for me to be awake, never mind standing in the hallway in my ratty, faded pj's. So, doing the only thing I could think to do, I retreated back into the room.
When I opened the door, I immediately found myself on the receiving end of one set of intense Prussian eyes. Damn, I felt like I needed sunglasses to withstand that glare. Ouch.
Heero was sitting on his new bed, the bunk underneath mine. Evidently he had put away his stuff and made his bed in the short time I was out of the room. He had somehow managed to make himself some sort of curtain around his bed with a couple of sheets tucked under the mattress of my bed. He was now sitting, ramrod straight, in the little space between where the edges of the sheets met. It was like a little cave, and he was guarding the entrance.
"What?" I asked, yawning and hoping up, landing solidly on my bed. I leaned my head over the side, upside down, my braid brushing against the guy's knees. My face was only a few inches in front of his face. Staring into his intense eyes, I could tell this guy was extremely intelligent, but there was something in his eyes that made everything in me want to run far far away, very very quickly. It was danger, pure and simple.
Of course, I wasn’t going anywhere. I happen to kinda like danger. Suicidal people generally are not afraid of such things. Once your fear of death is gone, you feel so free. It's liberating in a terribly morbid sense.
He blinked and leaned back, putting some distance between us. I just grinned and continued speaking. "So, you're Heero Yuy and you don't talk, am I right?" He nodded. "Well, nice to meet you. I am Duo, and I am sleepy. Why don't you take a nap until the rest of us are coherent enough the not sound like total morons?"
He nodded again, immediately lying down and drawing his little curtain closed in my face. Of course, I was still hanging upside down, smiling like an idiot at a bed sheet pretending to be a curtain. Well, fine. I didn't expect a paranoid to even acknowledge my presence, and here he was responding to my suggestion. I could live with that.
So hoisted myself back up onto my bed, yawning and letting my eyelids droop closed. I'd deal with the world later, but right now it's too early to do anything. Today we had to show Heero around, and tomorrow classes started.
After a few minutes, I promptly fell back to sleep. Thank God it was dreamless, I had enough to deal with at the moment.
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