By: Spooks
~ ~ ~ ~
Eventually we were forced to leave the tree due to the impending artificial nightfall (and our rumbling stomachs). We cunningly left our little hollow haven and took an intricate route back to the building, entering through a different door than the one from which we had left. Satisfied and feeling mildly like bad asses, we nonchalantly sauntered our way to get our meds and dinners.
After we ate we just headed back to our room, not really in the mood for exploring the renovated wing or risking any Thug encounters. Besides, I don't know about the other guys, but I was absolutely bushed from being up and occupied all day. The only bad thing about summer is that it tends to make you very lazy. That is, you get used to your own schedule of activity, and it's hard to go back to having to deal with someone else's. It's like losing a huge measure of freedom, a precious commodity in the normal world, never mind in this place.
And so with very little further discussion, and certainly none of the type of heavy conversation we had been indulging in lately, we found ourselves sitting around yawning enough to change the air pressure in the room. Before long we were shuffling around, making our preparations for going to bed and setting out our things for the morning.
Right about the time when we were all ready for to go to bed, I realized that I had a mildly Earth-shattering, scary dilemma to consider. Last night I had moved from my bunk down to Heero's after he had delivered me a visionary dream. Sleeping in my friend's embrace was very nice, not to mention the wonderful way I think he guarded me from the dream demons. For the first time in as long as I can remember, I had actually felt comfortable and rested when I woke up this morning, despite the momentary confusion about the emotions the whole situation had sparked in me.
In other words, I was reluctant to return to sleeping alone again, but also very afraid to let anyone know that. Wufei turned out the light, though, ending my deliberations. Reluctantly I climbed up on my bunk, since I was way too timid to impose myself on Heero again. I cursed my idiocy silently as I pulled back the sheets. With a sigh I burrowed under my covers, trying to swallow the lump of discomfort and anxiousness that had crept up into my chest. I laid my head down on my pillow in the darkened room, only to jerk it right back up again. Something was on my pillow, something thin.
Propping myself up on my elbow, I felt at my pillow blindly in the darkness. My hand encountered a folded piece of paper, obviously placed right in the middle of my pillow for me to find when I put my head down. Feeling a slightly soaring feeling attack my heart, I unfolded the note.
--You can come back if you want.--
It was written in a larger version of Heero's neat writing, I guess so I could read it easily in the darkness. When the hell had he put that there? Come to think of it, when the hell had he taken away my blades? Surely he hadn't done those things when he had gotten back from his session. He had been a trembling wreck, and I'm sure he would have fell off the bunk and cracked his noggin open if he had tried to get up here and take the blades. It baffled me.
I leaned my head upside-down over the side of the bunk, gripping the edge in one hand and the note in the other. Peeking up at me between the slit in his sheet-curtains, I caught a glimpse of shining blue piercing through the gloom. My braid slipped over my shoulder, down from the bed, and connected with the side of Heero's mattress with a soft thump, bouncing slightly off the side of the mattress and coming to swing in front of the open slit of the curtain.
After a few seconds, the shining blue eyes blinked, and I felt a gentle tug on my hair. Heero's hand had emerged from his shrouded bed and was grasping the end of my braid carefully, his thumb caressing the free bits of hair below the band at the bottom. Oh so slowly, I let go of my grip on the edge of my bunk and eased my arm down, my sleeve catching slightly as I reached. Tentatively I covered his hand on my braid with my own nervous grasp. Then I stopped, feeling my heart catch in my chest as Heero's hand twisted in my grip and entwined my fingers with his.
It was at this exact moment that I let out the breath I had been holding. Unfortunately, I was still holding onto Heero's note with the hand that was not dangling off the side of the bunk. The slight shift in my weight as I exhaled just happened to be enough to cause me to lose my balance.
I gasped as I felt myself start to tumble face first off my bed, and I'm sure my eyes almost popped out of my head in shock. I felt icy terror hit me like a splash of cold water, and time seemed to slow down as I felt my stomach leap up into my throat. Certainty of impending intense pain jolted through me like a current, and I squeezed my eyes shut out of pure instinct. I didn't let go of Heero's hand, but I scrabbled frantically against the smooth cotton sheets of my bed with the other, trying to find purchase among the twisted sheets and failing miserably.
Suddenly I felt Heero's hand jerk, and I found myself falling. My fall wasn't far, however, because I was stopped midair, my legs still tangled up in my sheets on the bed, my upper body cradled in Heero's arms. I blinked in surprise up at my friend's dark blue stare. He was wincing in pain as he hoisted me back up onto my own bunk. Despite this, however, he didn't let go of me completely. Looking down I saw that our hands were still linked. After a few seconds, the pained look on his face was replaced with one of relief and amusement, a mix of emotions that far outbalanced his usual blank expression.
Once I was safely up on my bunk, I caught my breath and waved the note at Heero. He looked at it, looked at me, then glanced back down at his bed pointedly. We stayed like that, him standing on the floor and me sitting up and looking down from my bed for a small eternity, silently communicating with our eyes. (The other guys would tell me later that it wasn't even a few seconds. They were all still awake and watching, but for some reason I didn't notice. I guess I was distracted. Go figure.)
I felt myself nod once, almost involuntarily. I felt Heero's hand let go of mine, and for a second I felt my heart skip as he wrapped his arms around my waist and easily lifted me down from my bed. He plunked me gently down onto his own mattress, careful not to snag my braid on anything. Once again I marveled at my friend's strength. There was no doubt in my mind that considering we were relatively the same height and build, Heero was one strong guy. There was no way in hell I would have been able to just pluck him up off a perch and easily put him down without seriously messing up my back. It made me wonder darkly, as I considered whether there was an unnatural reason behind Heero's intense strength.
Then all coherent thought fled my mind as the dark haired boy carefully settled down beside me, drawing closed the sheets enshrouding his bed. Just as he did last night, he watched my face as he edged his wiry arm around and under me, cautiously moving closer to me and pulling up the thin sheet up to cover the both of us. Deciding to be a tad bold, I turned on my side and snuggled up to my friend, wrapping one of my legs over his and eased my arm gently around his waist. I smiled up at Heero's obvious surprised eyes and laid my head next to his on the pillow, breathing deeply of his unique scent.
As we drifted off to a peaceful slumber, I felt a feather soft caress of lips on my cheek. Then I was lost in a land of pleasant dreams.
~ ~ ~ ~
I slept the entire night without being disturbed by any dream demons, and Heero did not send me any more disturbing visions. Ever so often, though, I would hear the familiar leather-winged flapping sound of a dream demon approaching in my peaceful slumber, but they would suddenly be flicked away by an unseen, powerful force. I'm now sure it was Heero's influence, and not just a random event.
Instead of having visions or nightmares, I kept having the same maddeningly wonderful dream, over and over. It was a blessing, but now I realize that it was really a curse.
I would be floating in the air, suspended weightless in a cavern made of pure, softly glowing silvery light. For a while I would just revel in the freedom that I felt, dancing in midair and investigating the nuances of the silvery cavern walls.
Then I would feel a presence behind me, and turning in midair, I would find myself suddenly hurtling forward down a succession of softly glowing tunnels, all of which emanated different warm glows. As I changed tunnels, there would be flashes of things, far too quick for me to glimpse before I was in the next one. Finally, I would arrive in a cavern like the first, except it radiated a mild dark brown hue instead of silver. Instead of the light emanating from the walls, there was a single light source in the bottom of the cave, shining upwards. Looking around, I saw the others.
Trowa floated beside Quatre, and I was startled to see them sporting huge, beautiful wings that kept them suspended in the air. Trowa's wings were sparkling with a lovely silver color, and Quatre's were a brilliant shining bronze. I smiled and waved at them, then flapped easily up to me while I looked around some more.
I would then catch sight of Wufei and Meiran, clasping hands and floating on identical light gray shining wings. I blinked in shock at the two of them, because Meiran was actually affecting Wufei when she touched him. As she brushed her other hand over his arm and floated closer to him, I could see the fabric of his sleeve shift under her fingertips. It was beautiful and sweet, as they were finally reunited in the same plane. It was a shame it was all just a dream.
The five of us met in the center of the golden cavern, and Quatre pointed behind me. Turning in midair, I realized that I too, had wings. Funny I hadn't noticed before, it seemed like they had always been a part of me. Of course, I realized in the back of my mind, since this was a dream, then there was nothing to say they hadn't always been there.
My wings were pure ebony, except for the edging feathers, which despite their dark color I was able to see right through. I moved one of the wings gracefully, feeling the ripple of muscles in them as they stretched and turned, pure grace practically oozing from their beautiful form. My feathers shimmered in the light and I felt a wonderful, liberating joy fill me as I gently flapped my wings. With the identical shimmering robes we were all wearing, I'm positive that we were quite an awesome sight. We shared the ability to fly, we were free, and we were happy. This was truly cool dream. Now all we needed was Heero…
As if on cue, the five of us turned on wing to look at a place on a particular wall, and suddenly a tunnel opening came into existence on its surface, blazing forth a brilliant blue light the color of Heero's eyes. Before we could successfully blink back the glare, the light was gone. Floating in midair before us, on wings of pure, glowing white, was Heero. His eyes and countenance fairly glowed with vibrant life, and he looked positively exquisite.
Heero opened his mouth, clearly intending to speak. I could feel the anticipation filling the large cavern shatter when the dream would end at this moment, bathing the whole world in a fiercely whistling, red and orange light show. Then the dream would start over, always the same as before, repeating everything exactly down the very last detail.
All in all, it was a lovely, joyful dream, but I felt as though I should have been seeing and paying more attention to the little details. Looking back at this dream with all the knowledge I have now, I can't believe I didn't pick up on any of the subtle symbolism of it. As beautiful as it was, it foreshadowed many things. Some of these things were wonderful, some were terrible, and one of them I fear is about to come to pass very soon.
But I'm getting ahead of myself again, aren't I?
~ ~ ~ ~
Waking up the next morning was a pleasant experience. It was like coming out of a warm shower, feeling all relaxed and refreshed, as though a single night's sleep had the ability to cleanse my very soul. Needless to say that when Quatre poked his head into Heero's bunk to wake us up, I was not amused.
I waved Quatre away, and he just muffled his giggle and mouthed that we had fifteen minutes till breakfast. Well, peachy. That meant I could lay here and nap (cuddle) for about ten more minutes. If it suits me, I can be amazingly quick at getting ready in the morning. I would rebraid my hair in home EC if I had to, just so I could stay here a little while longer.
This in mind, I tightened my grip around Heero's waist and buried my head in the crook of his neck, nuzzling at the juncture where his shoulder and neck met. I couldn't help marveling at the subtle coiled strength contained in the hard muscles under such smooth skin. It was this very thought that started firing off alarm bells in my head again. What was I thinking? This was my friend, right? I didn't think I was gay, but then, I had never felt anything like this before at all with girls…or anyone at all, for that matter. Maybe it was just Heero. I wasn't sure then, and I'm not sure now. Quite frankly, it doesn't matter.
As I breathed in Heero's scent, I felt him shift slightly under my arms and his embrace around me tightened ever so slightly. I lifted my head up, blinking sleepily so he'd think I just woke up, too. Couldn't have him wondering about me, now could I? Imagine my surprise when he just blinked at me and settled his head back down on the pillow, gazing at me with sleepy eyes. I felt his chest rise under me and fall in a deep sigh, and then he closed his eyes and burrowed the point of his chin into the messy hair of my bangs, gently grazing the top of my head when I laid it back down. I felt myself almost purr in response to the simple gesture, and shut my eyes. I nestled closer to my friend, basking in the mutual warmth we had generated under the thin sheet that blanketed us.
Finally, I realized that we had to get up if we were going to go eat breakfast with the other guys. Regretting my ferocious appetite for the first time in my life when I felt my stomach rumbled, I sighed and propped myself up on one elbow, only pulling slightly out of the entangled knot of limbs we had become. I unhooked my arm from where it had been gripping his waist and gently brushed some of his bangs away from his forehead, and I remember marveling at the softness of the messy dark hair. As I looked down at my friend, I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed. I was so grateful that he had guarded my dreams again, and I felt so distressed over the plight he was going through. And then there were those new feelings, ones that were totally alien to me…
Before I knew what I was doing, I leaned forward and softly kissed Heero's forehead, lingering for just a moment, smelling the clean scent of his hair as it tickled my nose. I then realized what I was doing and leaned back, embarrassed and afraid. I watched with mounting fear as Heero's dark eyes fluttered open, and his gaze landed on me. For a moment, my silent friend looked puzzled, then he reached his hand up and rubbed his forehead very softly, a slight look of disbelief passing through his eyes as he just stared at me for the longest time.
I felt my heart seize up in my chest. Was he disbelieving because he thought I was making assumptions, or because he couldn't believe I had done that? I was so full of doubt that I felt I was going to burst, and I couldn't help but feel an intense craving for my blades again. Then I remembered how Heero had taken them away and mentally cursed his good intentions.
Thoughts raced through my mind as I lay there and blinked stupidly at my friend. I honestly thought my head was going to explode. I got this sudden mental picture of my head just going up in a huge mushroom cloud, little chunks of skull and gray matter splattering all over the place. And yes, I realize that is very gross and disgusting. These things help distract me, okay?
Finally, Heero stopped staring at me and propped himself up on his elbow so he could face me. With a look of intense concentration, he laid his other hand the back of my neck and pulled my head close to his. I could feel his bangs mingling with my own, tickling my forehead. We were so close that I could feel his warm breath as it mingled with my own rapidly breathing. He rubbed the back of my neck lightly for a few more seconds, just looking into my blushing face with a look so tender that I felt my heart begin to pound.
He kissed me.
I still can't believe it. I was so completely and utterly shocked that I just lay there, letting him move his lips against mine sweetly. It was the most tender and wonderful thing I have ever felt in my entire life. After a few seconds he broke away and looked down, a dark blush on his usually blank face. I realized that even though I enjoyed the kiss, I hadn't responded. Disappointment was feathering very slightly off of him. I couldn't let that happen. No.
So I leaned forward and kissed him back.
I do believe I caught him by surprise, because for a split second he didn't respond. Then I guess he got over the shock, because he moved his lips back, lightly teasing them across the surface of my lips. I felt the hand behind my neck pull me closer, and I relented, allowing myself to be pulled flush with Heero's body, feeling myself sinking into the blissful sensation.
Then I felt something new, another slight pressure at the entrance to my mouth, between my moving lips. Opening my mouth slightly, I felt Heero's tongue flick across the underside of my upper lip. Shuddering at the new sensation, I returned the gesture, our tongues sparring playfully in a lusty battle. As the kiss continued, all my worries dropped away. No more dreams or shadow demons, no more renovated wing, no more experiments, no more pills, no more blades, no more depression, no more visions, no more fear. Heero's body and Heero's mouth became my entire universe, the only thing important, the only thing that mattered.
I poured my heart and soul into the kiss, surrendering to the sensations as I found myself pinned slightly underneath Heero's body. His weight was delicious, and I felt a moan deep within my throat as one of his hands caressed my neck and collarbone, the other buried itself in the base of my braid at the back of my neck. Time was irrelevant where we were now. It had ceased to exist.
A radiant eternity later, we broke apart, both our faces hot and flushed as we panted softly for breath. Our gazes locked together as we lay there, him half on top of me, my legs entwined through his, our arms embracing each other tightly. For what seemed like an hour, but was really only a minute, we stayed like this, exchanging a silent communication as our hearts beat a legato rhythm in time with each other.
That morning, no matter how delicious the food might have really been, all I could taste was Heero.
~ ~ ~ ~
Morning classes passed by amazingly quickly. I guess it's because I wasn't really paying much attention. Call me distracted, because I was worried about those new orderlies guarding us, my encounter with Heero, and all that other crap I was being forced to deal with lately.
I don't think Hilde noticed my distraction in Home EC. We were going over safety procedures again in Chemistry, but I think Mr. Khushrenada noticed my spaciosity. (Is that a word? HA! I invented a word!) I think it was because I was staring at the same simple limit problem for about five minutes without writing anything. He came over to my desk and loomed over my for a moment, his shadow casting down on my desk and paper for a good few seconds before I even noticed. I looked up guiltily, and blinked at him. He just raised one strangely shaped eyebrow and glanced down at my paper. I didn't space out again. In Lit class, Ms. Noin had us read some actually pretty decent short stories. One of them was about the devil…sorta. It was implied, actually. Well, at any rate, it was not the regurgitated bullshit I was expecting.
Finally lunchtime rolled around. Me and Wu hurried our asses to the lunchroom and successfully beat the other guys to the lunch line, as well as the majority of the other guys running to the chow line. We waited patiently outside the stinky cafeteria until the other guys rushed out, letting out large exhalations from holding their breath as they left.
Finding an empty hallway, we settled down in our little circle and started to nosh on the burgers they had been serving today. Real beef and real cheese, made from real cows and such. Wonderful, nothing like farm grown true dead cow muscle. Yum. We just talked about normal stuff for once, completely and utterly innocent and niceties. Well, okay, I'll admit, normal for us is probably not really considered normal for other people.
"Yeah, so I'm sitting there, minding my own business and looking at the structure of a plant cell, and suddenly the guy next to me snatches my book and started jabbering about space monkeys. Then he started pulling pages out of my book and started balling them up and throwing them at me, calling me a 'damned infidel,'" Wufei was saying.
I snorted, "So, what did you do?"
"Nothing. One of the guards jumped forward, grabbed the guy, and hauled him away," Wufei replied, shrugging.
"Supposedly, that's why they're there," Quatre said, "But somehow I doubt it's that simple."
"Of course not," Trowa agreed.
Heero handed me a note.
--What about group session today?--
"Oh, good point," I mused, handing the paper back. "What are we going to do about that? We can't exactly just say the whole truth, now can we?"
"No, they'd either split us up or lock us up for good," Quatre said as he brushed his light bangs out of his eyes.
"True," Wufei agreed, nodding. "Perhaps we can give the absolute, brutally honest truth."
"What if we contradict one another? Should we just make sure not to agree or confirm that we're seeing and hearing and sensing the same stuff or what?" I asked. Heero quickly wrote out a note and handed it to me.
--Doesn't matter. We're crazy, remember?--
Heero just shrugged imperceptibly. I swear I caught a glimmer of sarcastic glee in his eyes.
"Well, that's true," I agreed, shrugging. "So--"
I cut off in mid-sentence, because at the end of the hallway, facing me, stepped Alex and Mueller, trailed by one of the new orderlies. Oh, great. Couldn't they just go off in a corner and die? No, that would be way too convenient and a great service to the world. Can't have that, no sir.
After watching them a few seconds, I realized the new orderly, a guy with dark hair, a friendly face, and sideburns, was the same guy that had been guarding my Home EC class that morning. He looked vaguely curious and uncomfortable, but he was masking it very well. He was probably a new friend of the Thug brothers' that they wanted to show off in front of, or something equally sadistic and frivolous, I'm sure.
"What?" Quatre asked curiously, turning around, and upon spying the approaching menaces, immediately scooted over to the side of the hallway to sit beside Trowa.
We just sat there, waiting patiently for the three large men to stalk their way towards us. Looking around the hallway, I suddenly felt all the color drain from my face. We were currently completely alone in the hallway, relatively far away from the normally traversed corridors during lunch.
I felt movement on both sides of me, and I looked over to see Heero scooting up right beside me on one side, Wufei on the other. Meiran had her shining arms held out in front of Wufei, shimmering out little red peals of anger mixed with the nervous energy she was using towards protection. Then Trowa and Quatre scooted back till they were seated right in front of us. Our trays had been pushed aside somewhere in the process.
Looking at the little protective circle surrounding me, I felt my heart threaten to go into meltdown despite my mounting fear. Our auras were mingling and mixing together, forming a multi-colored dome that stretched out in all directions, obliterating all the rage demons circling Wufei and the worry demons that preyed on Trowa. Even the shadow demons could not survive in our little haven of protection. Sadly, it wouldn't be able to stop the Thugs if they tried anything, but it was comforting for me nevertheless.
"Hello," Mueller called out cheerfully, a nasty smirk already gracing his equally nasty face. "How are we enjoying our meal today?"
None of us answered.
"Well, we're not going to be polite to our new friend, or say hello?" Alex asked, leaning forward over us. He and Mueller exchanged a merry look, then glanced back at their companion. He shot them a brilliantly steady leer when they turned towards him, but dropped the expression when they turned back.
"Guess we'll just have to teach you a lesson," Mueller said gleefully, reaching straight towards me with his large hand outstretched. The violent purple of his aura burst viciously into our combined auras, shattering our dome of protection.
"Someone could come along at any minute," Wufei said suddenly, reaching out lightning quick to grab Mueller's wrist. I was shocked, but I sent him a grateful look.
Alex laughed, "No, they won't. We checked. You're the only people eating in this entire wing. We made sure that it'll stay that way for a while, too."
Mueller grabbed Wufei's wrist with his other hand. The contrast of his large hand encircling Wufei's slender wrist was downright shocking. He brutally wrenched Wufei's hand away from where my Chinese friend was grasping his wrist. Wufei stifled a cry and grabbed his offended wrist, rubbing it. He wouldn't be able to carry anything with that arm for the next few days.
Then Mueller grabbed my shoulder, and roughly hauled me bodily to my feet. As Mueller jerked me up from the floor and about ten feet down the hallway from my friends, I saw Heero jump up and start towards us. Alex grinned and grabbed both of Heero's upper arms, then brutally kicked his legs out from under him and shoved him back down to the ground onto his stomach. Alex then straddled Heero's lower back and held pinned his hands behind him tightly to hold him in place.
Heero flopped and struggled, but then Alex wrenched one of his arms up almost enough to break it. Jerking away from Mueller enough to turn around, I shook my head at Heero, "Don't get your arm broken for me. I'm not worth it. I'm not worth anything. Please, just stop." I whispered, begging Heero with my eyes, then glancing back at my other friends hoping that they would do the same. I didn't think I could handle it if they got hurt because of me.
Alex sneered and hissed right into Heero's ear, "He's right, you know. No reason to get damaged on that little nut's account," He turned to my other friends, "If you try anything, I'll break his arm."
Mueller turned me around and shoved me face first against the wall, holding me there with one hand on the back of my neck, my head turned in the direction of the others, my ear pressed painfully against the wall. He then turned to the new orderly, "Enjoying the show, Otto? This is Maxwell, he's a little troublemaker. We deal with troublemakers our own way sometimes."
I strained my vision out of the corner of my eye to take in this new guy, Otto. His aura was dampened, and it was very hard to get a clear read out of it. Judging strictly from his facial expression and stance, he was really into what was happening, but nervousness and discomfort flared at the edges of his aura. Along with those two prevalent feelings, a strong overall sense of loyalty was streaming off of him subtly, but it was directed to a place that I couldn't discern, and definitely not at the Thugs terrorizing us. Maybe he was only here because he had been pressured into it. I can see it now, 'Come on, Otto, come fuck with the cute little crazy kids. Everybody's doing it! Just one try, you'll like it. Come on, are you some kind of pansy? Don't like having fun?'
Ugh. Peer pressure.
Suddenly, Mueller's hand on my neck tightened, and I could barely breath. Then I felt hot breath on the skin between his hand and the collar of my shirt, followed by the obscene feeling of a rank hot tongue licking at my skin. I struggled, bringing my arms up to push myself away from the wall, but Mueller caught my wrists and pinned them in one of his big hands, the other was busy occupied untucking the back of my shirt.
Pure horror iced its way down my spine, causing me to shudder in revulsion as I felt that sweaty hand pull up the back of my shirt and caress its way along my back. I shut my eyes tightly so I wouldn't have to see Quatre burying his head in Trowa's shoulder, or Meiran hiding behind Wufei, their dark eyes shining with helpless lights. Worst off all, my heart shrieked within my chest at Heero's deadly expression of hatred and anger, mixed with sickly helplessness.
Then I felt a slight tugging at my waistband, and the slimy hand was inside my pants, slipping under my cotton boxers and down over my buttocks. I yelped in surprise and terror, but was that was stopped almost immediately by my braid being stuffed into my open mouth and then tucked into itself at the back of my head, successfully gagging me.
Humiliation and fear ran through me, burning my face a hot scarlet and causing me to break out into a cold sweat. The edges of my vision darkened as I retreated within myself when Mueller started to reach into back of my pants, pulling them down a bit for easier access. I felt a disgusting hardness clothed in thin cotton scrub pants grind against my bare backside. Out of the corner of my eye, as I started to see ugly black and crimson splotches begin to obliterate the darker edges of my vision, I could see the violent offspring of shadow and lust demons dancing merrily to a silent tune.
Suddenly, I heard a voice break through the haze I had escaped into, "Alex, Mueller, they have ten minutes until their group session. You need to stop now or you might get caught!"
It was Otto. He had been keeping an eye on his watch the whole time.
~ ~ ~ ~
And so we were followed as we returned our empty trays to the cafeteria, and even to the crowded communal restrooms by the three. The three Thugs (Yeah, because of his sick voyeurism, no matter how his aura looked, I considered him a Thug now) escorted us to the room we were assigned to for our group session, then finally left us alone.
We had five minutes until our session was scheduled to start, and odds were that the Drone overseeing us would not show up until then. So, left to our own devices for the time being, I decided to make the best of the short amount of freedom we had been allotted. Basically, I felt like crawling in a corner or something, so I took this opportunity to indulge in some well earned self pity.
I sat down on the floor, pulled my knees up to my chest and hugged them, and started rocking back and forth. I felt like crying until my face was soaked. I felt like screaming until I was hoarse. I felt like washing myself until I was rubbed red and raw from scrubbing. I wanted to sleep until I finally felt better. I wanted to jump up and down and run into walls and try and go truly mad, just so I could forget it all in a fit of insanity. I wanted my razors most of all. I wanted to see the blood flow, and not stop it this time. I wanted to die.
Instead I just sat there, staring off into space and allowing the others to surround me silently. Wufei and Meiran sat in front of me. Quatre scooted around behind me and rubbed my back soothingly. Trowa went and stood at the crack of the door to watch for the Drone. Heero sat quietly beside me, stroking at my braid and face gently. No one said anything.
What could they have said, anyway? Some overused cliché? Something like, 'It's going to be okay'? No, because it wasn't and never would be, not while we were here.
Instead, they let me come back to myself, offering their support and comfort if I needed it. Within a few minutes, Wufei finally spoke, clearing his voice carefully, "Duo, the psychologist is due at any second."
I nodded that I understood and wiped at my still dry face absently, sitting up straight and finally standing up. "I'll be okay," I said shakily, watching Heero and Quatre stand up, too.
"Are you sure?" Quatre asked.
"No, but I have no choice at the moment," I smiled ruefully.
Trowa turned from his post at the door. "He's coming." He then moved away and stood with us, and we composed ourselves casually, as though we were merely standing around talking. In the last few seconds we had, we hurriedly planned our strategy for this session, seeing as how we were so rudely interrupted before.
When the Drone came in, he gestured for us to make a circle with the chairs, and pulled one up for himself. He crossed his legs and watched us choose our seats, and I got the feeling that he was taking in every little action or nuance of our behavior. In his lap was a thick notebook with a black pen clipped to the cover.
"Hello, I am Dr. Quinze, I'll be overseeing your group sessions," he said, opening his notebook and looking at each of us in turn. "Since this is our first session, and since you all know each other to certain degrees, I am at a slight disadvantage. Therefore, I would like for you to each go around and introduce yourselves and your afflictions."
We nodded like the good crazy boys that we were. Then we sat there, totally silent and feeling vaguely uncomfortable.
Finally, Dr. Quinze spoke again, laughing lightly. "Well, I guess I'll start out. I can't expect you to just come right out and start chatting with me, now can I? First of all, I bet you're wondering why you're all in a group session together, seeing as how you all have different types of afflictions."
I nodded and glanced at the other guys. This had occurred to us, but we didn't think we had a snowball's chance in hell of finding out why, so we just had left it at that and moved on. Looked like we'd actually get a few answers for once.
"As I'm sure you're aware of, there are numerous files about each of you, your personalities and afflictions, and as an experiment we decided to try and match up patients that may be compatible and beneficial to be together. You are not the first ones we've grouped, and you will probably not be the last ones, especially considering the limited accommodations at the moment," Quinze chuckled.
"This same principle was applied for your group therapy sessions. There have been several hypotheses and studies on the affects of a cell community working and living together for good mental and physical health," he said, looking around at all of us and tapping his pen on his leg. "Anything else? Want to ask me any questions? My schooling, my family, my former afflictions?"
I leaned forward at that last part. His former afflictions? What the hell was he talking about? I asked him this very question. It turns out that Dr. Quinze was one of the earliest students of Bryce, and he had been plagued with delusions of grandeur and obsessive-compulsive disorder. He had graduated, went on scholarship to some big name Earth college, then recently came back here to work.
When he finished, he focused his gaze on me and uncapped his pen. "Okay, enough stalling. Since you have been the only one to speak at all so far, you will start. Name and disorder, even though I know both. I want to hear you say them."
I blinked in surprise and looked around at my friends. They were all looking everywhere but at me, or at Dr. Quinze, for that matter. The old, "don't make eye contact and maybe I'll disappear" gag.
So I took a deep breath, hoping that I could manage to appear to be a completely normal depressed boy who happened to see demons and auras, not a boy who had just been assaulted by a big nasty Thug. "I'm Duo Maxwell. I see demons, read auras, am sensitive to supernatural phenomenon, and I have depression."
"There, now that wasn't so bad, was it?" Quinze said as he wrote furiously in his notebook.
"Yes," I muttered under my breath. Quatre heard me and giggled. Unfortunately, this brought Quinze's attention to him.
"Um, Quatre Winner, diagnosed with depression and having delusions," He spat out nervously, then glanced down at his shirt.
Dr. Quinze wrote some more in his notebook, then nodded to Trowa. The tall boy spoke. "Trowa Barton. Voices."
"Fine, thanks, now you," Dr. Quinze finished writing and pointed his pen at Wufei.
My Chinese friend raised one eyebrow elegantly and pushed his glasses up on his nose. "I am Chang Wufei. I hallucinate interacting my dead wife, my Meiran."
Dr. Quinze wrote that down, then glanced expectantly at Heero. Heero just sat there, glaring for all he was worth, arms crossed over his chest. For a few long seconds we sat there, all waiting for Heero to do something.
"He can't speak," Trowa finally said quietly.
"Well, can you write, Heero?" I liked how Dr. Quinze didn't talk about Heero as though he wasn't in the room and instead addressed him directly. So often, those Drones will talk about you while you're still in the room. It's as though you're a mere dog, and not a human being.
Heero heaved a silent sigh and dug out his little notepad, wrote on it, then handed the note to me. I read it out loud, "Heero Yuy, Paranoia."
"May I have the note?" Dr. Quinze asked, glancing at Heero for permission. He nodded, so I handed the note over. The Drone then carefully looked over the note before tucking it in the back of his notebook with a paper clip. He then looked at all of us one by one.
"Well, that's all I had planned for today. I want to move slowly with you, in hopes that you may come to trust each other and eventually, hopefully, me. Our next session is scheduled for Thursday, so I want you to report to the medical testing area in this wing. I know that you've been diagnosed before and run through these things, but I'd like to run a few of these tests again on my own, just so I personally can observe the results. You understand, the basics that you've been through a thousand times before," Dr. Quinze said, glancing at his watch. "I'm done with you for now, you can go have some free time before your next classes start." That said, he stood up and left, not looking back as he walked out the door.
We sat there in our little circle of chairs for a moment. I know that I couldn't be the only one that was shocked. Our session had taken less than ten minutes. Quinze at first seemed all right, but then when he had just left? I didn't know what to make of it.
"Okay, that was weird," I finally said out loud, breaking our contemplative silence. "Glad we decided to keep strictly with our diagnoses, though. Now what?"
Wufei stood up and stretched, "Lets go to the room and pretend to be vegetables or some other equally inanimate object. I want to take a nap."
So the rest of us stood up, put the chairs back in order, and ambled over to the door. Heero placed his hand on the door handle to open it, but stopped right before he opened the door. He took out his notebook.
--What if they're still out there?--
None of us had to ask to whom he was referring. Meiran poked her head through the door, then brought it back in, scowling. She spoke to Wufei, who relayed the message to us.
"That new guy, Otto, is sitting at the end of the hallway," he said, jerking his thumb at the door.
"Well, screw him," I scoffed. "I don't think he's going to do anything to us."
"What if he's watching us for Alex and Mueller?" Quatre speculated.
"Somehow I don't think that's his motive," Wufei mused thoughtfully, tucking a loose strand of black hair behind his ear. "Despite his inaction earlier, I don't think he really had a choice in the matter."
"Yeah," I agreed, thinking back to the devotion I could see streaming off of Otto and directed elsewhere. "His loyalty lies with someone or something else. I'm just wondering why he'd just stand there and watch us be terrorized." I gulped at t he recent memory, and felt my inside quiver in revulsion and the aftereffects of pure horror.
"Still, I don't know if I'd just ignore him," Quatre added.
"We could probably loose him in the hallways if he tried to follow us," I shrugged.
Heero snorted lightly and bounced up and down on the balls of his feet a few times. He shot us all a pointed glare and then looked down at his hand that was again gripping the door handle. I shrugged again and nodded, and he opened the door.
We filed out into the hallway, moving in one big group. We didn't even spare a glance at Otto as we walked past him, and as far as I could tell he didn't even look up at us as we walked by. I couldn't even feel his gaze on our backs as we walked away, either.
I was mildly confused.
~ ~ ~ ~
After taking a dodging and winding path back to our room, we had about forty minutes left before we had to be in classes again. Sighing with relief at the unexpected respite, I launched myself on top of my bunk and buried my face in my pillow. Curling up into a little ball on my side, I faced the closed curtains of our barred window. I was trying not to think about my encounter in the hallway. I was completely and utterly unsuccessful.
I felt wave after wave of self-loathing wash over me, beating my soul into a bloody pulp. It had happened again, and it had been much, much worse this time. I tried to stop myself from sobbing, but I couldn't help it. I needed to get the pain and frustration out, and since I didn't have my blades, all I could do was cry.
All of a sudden, I felt a weight behind me on the edge of my bunk, and then the weight spread out. Someone had climbed up on my bed with me. A few moments later, I felt arms circle around my sides and a warm body press against my back. Then I felt another set of hands tenderly pulling my braid out from where it was trapped beneath my body. Opening my bloodshot eyes, I lifted my head enough to see what was going on.
Looking down at the arms around my waist, I knew it was Heero that was lying behind me. Trowa was the one who had moved my braid, and he was now standing in front of the window beside Quatre. Wufei had perched his feet on the edge of Heero's bunk and was standing around the vicinity of my knees. Meiran hovered near him, one hand on Wufei's shoulder, and I was very surprised to see that she was directing little waves of comfort at me. Usually she had only done anything like that for Wufei. Gratefully, I let a few of them soak into me.
Not able to take much more looking around without breaking down again, I shoved my steaming hot face back into my damp pillow, breathing deeply of the salty smell of my tear soaked pillowcase. It took me a few minutes, but I finally calmed back down and stopped my crying. I'm not ashamed that I cried. There is a time and a place for tears, and this was both the time and the place.
I raised my head again and propped myself up on one elbow. Heero sat up behind me, and I took the cue and sat up, too, dangling my legs off the side of my bed. Trowa and Quatre had sat down on the floor, leaning against the wall underneath the window, and Wufei had stayed where he was. I patted the bed beside Heero and I, and he vaulted up and perched up there with us.
Finally Quatre spoke up, standing and leaning his arms on the bunk in front of me, staring up at me with concern shining in his aquamarine eyes. "Are you going to be okay, Duo?"
I closed my eyes and considered, feeling Heero put a hand on my shoulder from behind. "I will be. I just can't believe they did that right in the middle of the hallway!"
"Nor can I," Wufei agreed, rage demons dancing angrily around his head and jumping up and down on his slim shoulders. Meiran swatted at them in annoyance, but they were managing to evade her. "It's just not right…it's…it's…down right…injust!" He balled up his hands into fists and his dark eyes blazed with black fire. "How the hell can they be allowed to do these things? First Heero's a damn guinea pig, then you're being assaulted, and we're all being harassed! And we can't do a thing about any of it! Damnit!" He pounded his fists into his thighs in frustration.
"True," Trowa said gloomily, nodding his head slowly and getting up to lean against the wall.
"We cannot let this happen again! Next time we see them coming, I say we just all take off running. I don't care what they think, it'll be safer," Quatre said, chewing on his lower lip.
Wufei nodded, "What else can we do?"
"Nothing," Trowa again, with the one word efficient answer.
I pulled one of my legs up and hugged it and rested my chin on my knee. "Thank you," I bowed my head and mumbled into the fabric of my pants, closing my eyes. I rocked myself slowly.
No one answered, but Heero's hand on my shoulder tightened. I felt the weight on the bed shift when Wufei nimbly hopped off of it. For a time I heard shuffling noises, and the door open and close a few times. Next time I opened my eyes, Heero and I were the only ones left in the room.
--They thought you'd like to be alone.--
"So you stayed?" I asked softly, turning around to face the Japanese boy sitting behind me.
--Of course.--
"Good," I replied, looking at the clock on the wall. Ten minutes until class started. We'd have to leave in five.
I threw my arms around my friend and buried my face in his shoulder, feeling his arms come up to circle my back and hold me close to him. We sat like that for the few minutes, and finally I started to really feel better.
~ ~ ~ ~
Well, we eventually made it to class. Once again, Ms. Une didn't let the guard stay in the room. That night we actually had a little homework. Everything went well, and I was in Heero's bed again. No one fucked with us or came for Heero the next day. Since we all had a free period after lunch, we went out and crashed amongst the hollow trees, but not near our particular tree out of safety. Don't want to leave a pattern, now do we?
The next day passed easily, too. Our group session/physical examinations went as they always do, boring as hell. A couple of hearing tests, an inkblot, some vision screening and a couple of brain scans. We were processed quickly and efficiently, and then allowed to leave, early again. Our next session was also to be in the medical wing, too.
Finally, the weekend arrived. All of us finished what little homework we had to do on Friday afternoon, so we lounged around most of Saturday. Unfortunately, one of the new orderlies came and took Heero to his surprise session. While he was gone, I kept getting little flashes of double vision, but nothing too major. When he was brought back, though, he was trembling and soaked with sweat, completely out of it. It took him longer to come back to himself afterwards, too. That night he wasn't strong enough to guard me from the dream demons, and I woke him up several times with my tossing and turning and little pathetic screams of terror.
Sunday we had to run away from the Thugs. We were sitting in a secluded hallway, eating lunch and having a good time when they appeared at the end of the hallway. Without any hesitation, we all picked up our trays and walked away. Alex and Mueller walked behind us, quickly gaining because of their longer legs. Right when they almost had caught up with us, we rounded a corner of a hall that put us in the presence of other people. When we looked back, the pair was gone.
From that point on we sacrificed a lot of privacy and sat in the halls to eat with other patients. I know it bothered the other guys, but no one said anything. I was grateful, but missed our quiet little private meals.
And so the weeks passed. Every Monday more and more people were banished from the school. Monday sessions with Sally went okay, and I was actually starting to think I could trust her. I wouldn't tell her about the others under any circumstance, but I was almost ready to tell her about the cutting. Almost.
Group sessions stayed in the med labs for a quite a while before finally moving back to sitting around in a room with Dr. Quinze. Slowly we let him think that we were making progress. Instead we were carefully planning our words out in the hollow tree and in our room. We were telling him what he wanted to hear. We had decided that if we had to lie to get out of here, then we would lie together. We were hoping that by some miracle we would be able to graduate from this godforsaken pit and move on to bigger and better things. Of course, we planned to do this all together.
Heero's sessions continued, and it took longer and longer for him to return back to normal afterwards. A few times he wasn't able to make Art after his Monday sessions. I got the feeling that it was getting more and more difficult for him to fight the mental blocks. The stress was taking its toll on him.
Sometimes while he was in his sessions, or when I slept beside him, he would send me visions. They were always filled with images of that horrid table, peppered with images of a younger Heero growing up in a lab environment. Sometimes the visions had Milliardo in them, but eventually he stopped appearing. From what I could tell of the visions, they were testing Heero for every type of abnormal psychological or physical traits as he had grown up.
Ever so often in the visions I'd get flashes of the other guys, at first only Quatre, but then Trowa, and finally Wufei, screaming in terror or pain. It was usually only a brief flash, and none of us could figure out what they meant. From the lost look on Heero's face and the tone of the visions, I don't think even he knew. He was quickly loosing his knowledge of his hidden talents. Those bastards must have wanted him only to be able to know about them when he was under their close supervision and decided to tighten his leash.
A few times we sneaked into the renovated wing to investigate. Quatre always picked up that same myriad of negative emotions, and I always flinched away from that disgusting, oozing black door. Sometimes we'd hear things through the walls, strange noises. Quite a few times I heard that disturbing noise of metal screeching across metal again. That always freaked me out and made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.
Eventually, we settled into the routine of classes and sessions. Home EC was actually interesting. I still don't know how Hilde managed to make pictures in a book entertaining, but she did. Wufei finally got transferred to Chemistry with Quatre, Trowa, and I, filling out our lab table. Unfortunately we still didn't get to do anything fun in there, but Mr. Rashid sure did take a shine to Quatre. Talk about teacher's pet, yeesh!
I truly enjoyed my Calculus class. Mr. Khushrenada really was an excellent teacher, and I still couldn't figure out why he was teaching here, of all places. I could read a vague sorrow waving off of him, though, so could only guess that he had his reasons. Ms. Noin turned out to be a decent literature teacher, but one can only do so much with the selected classics. At least we got to do some creative writing, though. I love creative writing.
Art III just kept getting better and better. After the incompatible students were weeded out, we got to move on to watercolors. I'm not that great at watercolors, I have a tendency to get impatient and get too much water on my brush and not enough paint. Howard was always a riot, each day coloring a new article of clothing. Once he even sneaked in a pair of underwear to color. It was mildly disturbing to watch him paint his underwear blue, but it was really damn funny, too.
Heero's art continued to amaze me. He'd always start out with very vague, random shapes that would some how coalesce into a surreal true work of art. Usually it was a scene or representation of one of us, or even assorted groups of us. It continued to baffle me, though, that he kept drawing things that he couldn't possibly know about. For instance, he once sketched a charcoal of me hiding my blades. It was unnerving.
Sometimes I'd get bored in classes, though. I suppose it's inevitable. I'd spend some time doodling or staring into space, but most of the time I tried to pick up on the auras of the newer orderlies that were stationed in whatever class I happened to be in at that moment. Even Ms. Une was finally forced by the administration to let them stand in the front of her classroom. I could tell it really pissed her off, because she reverted to her mean personality for the rest of that day.
It was weird, though. Quatre had said he couldn't get much from the new orderlies, and the harder I tried, I couldn't get anything solid from them either. You know how I said Heero was shielded? Well, this was a bit different, but it was just as effective. I could see swirling colors and emotions, but I couldn't read what they meant. No little demons ever popped up around them, either, which was just plain odd.
As we entered the second month of enrollment, the incompatibles were finally all weeded out. We had been anticipating the Drones trying to split us up into smaller rooms now that there were more vacancies, but for some reason they never even mentioned it. And here we were, all prepared for it, too. It was like when you study your ass for a test, skim the stuff you think you know, then aren't asked the stuff you studied, but the stuff you skimmed. But hey, I wasn't complaining, it was less worries for us.
Oh, and let me tell you! Trowa and Quatre are so damn cute. They finally started officially "going together" as the saying goes. They were very discreet in public, though, because they didn't want the Drones asking questions. Plus, Quatre's dad might have got wind of it and pulled him out of here. We couldn't have that.
Quatre was starting slowly but surely to come back from the dark land of depression. With Trowa's help, and all our support, he finally stopped getting the urge to hurt himself. Trowa, for his part, started to be able to ignore the worry demons that were constantly picking at him. After a while, they decreased in number to only a few that hung around his shoulders and perched on his head. I think he actually liked having a few of them around for company. Wufei finally managed to squelch the rage demons the tormented him, with a little help from Meiran. The more I watched them, the more tragic their whole situation seemed.
Heero was starting to combat his mental blocks, too, despite the obvious attempts that were put in place to try and stop him. Sometimes in the visions that shrieking wouldn't catch us for quite a while. This all took its toll on him, though, because fighting back really drained him. I don't think he minded that too much, though, because I'd let him sit with his head in my lap and I'd stroke his hair and neck. I do believe he liked that.
As for our relationship, every night we shared his bunk, wrapped together in a friendly embrace. Slowly, tentatively, we felt our way from the area of friends into the fuzzy area of being something more. We kissed only in the safe confines of his bunk, but usually in public we were in some sort of casual physical contact. No lie, our budding relationship helped me more than years in this asylum had ever been able to accomplish. (Not to mention the help of my other friends either. Every day I thanked God for their existence in my life.) I was emerging from my depression like a turtle poking its head from its shell. And the more we evaded Alex and Mueller (with Otto tagging along occasionally for the ride) the better and more secure I started to feel.
I actually think, despite all the crap that we were going through, that because of our own little asylum of friendship, and yes, love, that we were able to overcome and flourish in our own rights. We were happy, despite it all.
Then, after things had settled down and classes were going smoothly…Just when we felt like we were starting to make real progress with Heero's situation and be able to avoid the Thugs forever…Right at that moment when we finally felt like it was all going to be okay, our world came crashing down all over again.
The Thugs came for Quatre.
~ ~ ~ ~
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