Unison

By: Spooks

~ ~ ~ ~

The more I feel

'What are you doing to me, Duo?' Heero thought, gaze homing across the darkened dorm room at the sleeping American.

Duo was sleeping sprawled out haphazardly on his rumpled gray sheets, wearing a pair of black boxers and a dark gray tank top, his golden cross, made bronze in the darkness, was resting on the hollow of his throat, rising with each slow breath the boy took. One arm was hugging his waist while the other drooped limply off the side of the bed, knuckles brushing the floor. His legs were tangled in the sheets, but one bare foot peeped out of the light cover, toes wiggling intermittently in the warm air of the room.

Heero gazed at the sleeping Shinigami, an artist's vision of variations of gray, white, and black, that mixed to create the contrasting image of innocence and sex appeal. The Japanese pilot closed his eyes, rubbing his eyelids slightly. He had to get control of these feelings, they were distracting him from his missions. He was trained not to be inhibited by such trivial matters as love, lust, happiness, or friendship, and Heero realized that his increasing fixation on Duo was not going to be productive in terms of his training objectives. Rationally, he realized that remaining in this state of confusion and craving would effect him, both in terms of the mission and in terms of his sanity.

'I can't take it much longer. All these new feelings, they're killing me inside,' Heero thought, opening his eyes only to find his gaze drawn inexplicably back to Duo. 'And they say I'm the perfect one...'

'How can I even hope that he'd care, anyway? He's so full of life, and so considerate of others that he refuses to show how much he hurts, just like the way rest of us do.' Heero mused, thinking about that morning, when Duo had thought he was still asleep.

As Heero had watched through his lashes, eyes half closed in the early morning shadows, Duo had sighed gloomily and gotten dressed, nothing in his languid movements characteristic of the usually hyper pilot. Standing in front of the mirror, his back facing Heero while his reflection was visible to the Japanese pilot, he had begun rebraiding his hair. Duo had stared in the mirror at his reflection angrily, tugging so sharply on the long strands that he was biting his lip to keep from crying out.

Right before Heero decided to formally wake up and stop his guilty observations, Duo's face had crumpled, violet eyes squeezing shut in a grimace of pain. His shoulders slumped and he lightly fingered the gold cross around his neck, face contorting briefly again at the touch. He had then sighed, straightened his shoulders, and pasted a maniacal grin on his face, thus alleviating all signs of sadness or anguish. It was an amazing transformation.

Heero had quickly shut his eyes completely as Duo turned around, knowing that he was about to be loudly "awakened" at any moment. Duo never let anyone see him in those states of melancholy, and Heero while didn't want to intrude on the other pilot's privacy by spying on him, but he couldn't help it. Heero found Duo fascinating. The more he observed the braided American, the deeper and more complex he found him to be. For instance, it wasn't the first time the Wing pilot had watched Duo acting like this. He was learning there was much more to Duo than first met the eye.

'And that's the problem, he's so complex, but so simple at the same time. A living paradox. I am nothing but a living weapon, a soldier that doesn't know the first thing about love or friendship. I'm so empty. What could I possibly give to him?'

Heero's breath caught in his throat and brought him out of his musings when Duo stirred in his sleep, shifting to his side facing Heero. Duo then brought the arm that dangled off the side of the bed up to tightly grasp a handful of bed sheet. His legs drew completely out from their tangle of sheets, where Duo's other arm pulled them up to his chest. As he curled up into a fetal position, the American whimpered quietly in his sleep. Heero considered waking Duo, he appeared to be having a nightmare. Besides, it might give him an excuse.

'I just want...just want...to touch him...'

Duo cried out suddenly, both arms hugging his knees as he started to shake his head, as though denying something in his dream. Heero bit his lip, doing his best to just stay in his computer chair, not go and comfort the boy. At some point during his slumber, Duo had unsnapped the band that held his braid together. His hair was gradually slipping from its woven rope, unraveling into luscious waves that fanned out across the bed sheets and pillow.

Duo's eyelids fluttered erratically in his state of dreaming, and his expressive face showed an expression of stark terror as he curled up tighter into himself. He whimpered again, mumbling to himself in a frightened whispering, punctuated by a plaintive, keening cry. Heero couldn't help himself, next thing he knew, he was crossing the room and standing beside Duo's bed.

Finding himself hovering over the dreaming pilot, Heero was still at a loss as to what to do.

'What now?'

Duo bit his lip in his sleep, hands releasing their grip on his knees and hugging around his torso instead. He looked so forlorn, so delicate, so beautiful, and so tormented that Heero, again acting without thinking, knelt down on the hard floor, eyes level with Duo's face.

Heero tentatively reached out a hand, infinitely surprised to see his hand was shaking. He slowly, reverently brushed his knuckles over Duo's forehead, lightly sweeping back the sweat soaked bangs. He pulled his hand back quickly when Duo flinched at the contact, crying out against his invisible foes and squeezing his eyes more tightly shut, a single trail of wetness springing from one eye and trickling the short distance to his pillow.

Heero clenched his fists, his short nails digging into the flesh of his palms had enough to bruise. Just as he'd thought before, by trying to help, he had hurt instead.

'See what you did, you caused him more pain!' He berated himself, angry at his impertinence that he could somehow offer some measure of comfort. His Prussian eyes clouded in an unguarded moment of shame and confusion. It was always like this with Duo. He just wanted to protect Duo, make him as happy as he pretended so hard to be. But he kept hurting him out of fear of rejection, and fear of failure.

If he didn't try at all, then he couldn't fail, right?

'NO! That's not right anymore,' Heero realized. 'I need him.'

'I have to do something. I have to be true to my emotions, like I told Trowa. No more hypocrisy. I have to be true to Duo,' the Japanese boy thought, knowing that by hiding this he was constantly deceiving his beloved. It was just so confusing. He felt like he was going crazy, all these new emotions with no outlet for them. His training had never covered such things except that they were unnecessary. Sure they were unnecessary, but that didn't change the fact that they were there.

As Duo whined quietly in his sleep, hugging himself more tightly, Heero came to a decision.

Heero reached out again, this time leaning forward against the side of the bed, and lightly caressed Duo's cheek. He didn't flinch this time. Heero felt some of his uncertainty slip away. He laid his hand on the side of Duo's head, fingers burrowing into the loosening chestnut strands.

'Maybe I can do this.'

Duo's eyes suddenly stopped fluttering, and his body relaxed. Violet eyes slowly opened to gaze up at Heero, creating a startling contrast of color against the grayscale of his clothing and sheets. Heero didn't move his hand from the side of Duo's face. The American didn't move for a second, either, laying there blinking up at the Wing pilot. Then a smile, a real one so unlike his usual grin, blossomed on his face, his eyes warming. Heero felt his heart begin to pound. During all his observations of Duo, he had never seen the boy look more beautiful.

"Hi Heero," Duo whispered softly, chiseling quietly into the silence of the night. "I must be still dreaming..."

"No, you just woke up from a nightmare," Heero whispered back, then paused expectantly, waiting for Duo to say more.

The American shifted, propping himself up on an elbow, his hand ghosting up and covering Heero's hand on the side of his face. He stroked the hand lightly before caressing up the length of Heero's arm, causing the boy to shiver. Duo lightly stroked Heero's cheek with his index finger, then cupped the side of Heero's face, thumb lightly tracing his cheekbone. Heero felt himself getting warmer, a tingling feeling filling his chest as his pulse pounded in his ears.

"But I've dreamed this, Heero. It can't be real..." Duo trailed off, nuzzling his head against Heero's hand. In response, Heero gently massaged Duo's scalp with his fingertips. Duo sighed, breath tickling and warming the skin on the inside of Heero's wrist.

"Not a dream, Duo. I just couldn't help myself anymore. I just...wanted to touch you," Heero whispered. Heero clenched his jaw and shut his eyes, waiting for Duo to drop his hand and pull away. He tried to steel himself for the rejection he knew must be coming. He couldn't believe he had just said that out loud!

'At least I'll know for sure.'

Heero waited in silent agony, the bare seconds seemingly like individual eternities unto themselves before he managed to open his eyes again. He felt his heart leap when he saw the shock and wonder that filled Duo's wide eyes. The longhaired angel seemed to be caught speechless, a truly rare occurrence.

Heero continued before Duo could say anything and before he lost his nerve. "I owe it to you and to myself to tell you this, Duo. You've become much more to me than a comrade, and much more than a mere friend. The last thing I want is to hurt you, and I always seem to be doing that. I apologize for that," Heero whispered in a rush. "I'll understand if you don't feel the same way. I just want you to be happy, and you probably won't be happy with someone like me."

Having finished the speech he had rehearsed so many times in his head, Heero watched Duo's face for any signs of disgust, fully expecting Duo to sneer and turn away. No expression crossed Duo's face at all. Instead, his hand tightened against Heero's face, and he sat up, pulling the Japanese boy up from the floor and beside him on the bed.

Heero could barely stand it. He felt like his heart was going to explode. He needed to know now how Duo had taken it. Such an irony that the talkative one was silent, and the soldier was bearing his soul.

Duo smiled.

"Heero, I can't tell you how much it means to me to hear those words from you. Thank you. I know it must have been hard for you," Duo said quietly, his hand migrating around Heero's face to gently cup his chin, his thumb now lightly wisping across Heero's trembling lips. "You should know, everyone that has ever gotten close to me has died, will you promise not to die, Heero?"

Heero's mind was having trouble processing Duo's words, he was so enraptured by the boy's light touch. Joy, acceptance, and relief was swiftly fueling another, more base feeling of physical need. He blinked and realized he needed to answer Duo's question. "I'll try to survive."

"There is no try, only do," Duo whispered, a smile playing across his features.

"Then I will survive." [1]

"Then I'll tell you a secret, Heero," Duo whispered, grip tightening on Heero's chin, moving closer to the Wing pilot.

"...Tell me..." Heero returned breathlessly as he brought his other arm up to snake around Duo's waist and scooting closer, the side of Duo's hip now pressed against his own. He breathed in sharply when Duo's entwined one of his legs between Heero's. He then deftly shifted sideways to press their bodies close enough so that Heero could feel the heat rising from Duo's skin.

Duo leaned forward and whispered right into Heero's ear, breath tickling the pilot's ear and neck. "I think I'm in love with you."

Heero shuddered, elation sweeping over him from the combined stimulus of Duo's admission and Duo's body being so close. Duo pulled away enough to be able to look Heero in the eye. Prussian and cobalt fused together for a moment of understanding. Heero and Duo's first kiss was sweet and gentle, a physical sign of a much deeper bond. Soon the kiss deepened, and innocence was gradually replaced by passionate promise.

Tongues sparred and teased in intense passion as they shared their breath with each other. Duo's hand trailed down Heero's neck to his shoulder and around his back, arms encircling and tightening around the Wing pilot, pulling him closer. Heero tightened his grip on the back of Duo's head, fingers lost in a sea of chestnut waves, his other hand resting lightly on Duo's hip. Their legs tightened, pulling them closer together, chests pressing together, heat passing through their thin layers of clothing and flushing their skin.

Heero could feel Duo's heart beat as he pulled his love closer. Their hearts were beating in unison.

~ ~ Owari ~ ~

1--Okay, I know that was corny. Bite me. ^_ ~